Love and Some Verses
by PunchDrunkPunk
Summary: They're like brothers. She's like their little sister...and yet, not.
1. Snapshots

_The rise and fall of the Ming Dynasty was punctuated by many important- even critical- events that have influenced history, and continue to influence the modern world…_

She stared blankly at the computer, the blinking laptop cursor taunting her from the same place it'd been in for… 37 minutes, now. Stupid, sadistic cursor. Stupid, masochistic Jordan. She wasn't even sure what she'd written so far, only that it definitely didn't make sense… which might be an advantage, if Professor Lardasch (Lard-ass) couldn't read it, he couldn't fail it, right? Only she could be behind before school even started. Who even gave summer assignments? She'd written…. (check word count) 147 words. Only 1,857 to go.

Her honey hair was already frizzing, protesting the short-nailed fingers that were already running through them, stressed. She looked like a demented aerobics instructor, wearing a fat headband with tufts of blonde-streaked brown frizz spilling over it.

"Joey!" A hoarse voice yelled at her from the hallway. The girl rolled her eyes, yanking her fingers through her honey-brown hair one more time- she recognized him even from the hall.

"Studying!" She yelled back.

"Not anymore." The voice was closer now, just beyond the door.

"But, uh," _think of something, anything! You don't want to do it, he just wants your help… you can't fail before the semester even starts… _"I'm naked! I was running, and now, uh, I'm doing some… yoga." _Yoga? YOGA was the best I could come up with?? _"Is that supposed to stop me?" She could hear him chuckle even as she saw the doorknob turn. "Dammit- you got my hopes up. Your Jew fro is frizzing." The whine came from a blonde boy as his ice blue eyes took in the stained gray tank top, hideous orange sports bra peaking out from underneath, hair wild and black almond-eyes wider. Yep, the only time Joey looked this manic was… "World history? Wh- are those my boxers?" She looked down, and quickly rolled her chair under the desk, hiding her legs from view.

"No. Only I'm allowed to make fun of my Jewishness, asshole."

"Uh-huh." The boy smirked, cold eyes warming slightly in a private laugh. "You just wanna get into my pants."

"That's so wrong on so many levels- like, incest and just, _ew._" The boy laughed now, picking up a dirty sock as he sat on her roommate Cameron's bed and throwing it at her.

"As if I'd still be alive if you were related to me- I would've killed myself from the shame, the dishonor…" He trailed off theatrically, and she snorted.

"Reid, I remember when you couldn't pee standing up."

"Yeah, but you could." She smiled at that- their smirks were nearly identical.

"Call it a talent. Do you know anything about the Ming Dynasty?" The boy was tossing a rubber band ball against the wall and catching it as it bounced back. He shrugged noncommittally and she turned away from him, rubbing her temple with the palm her head rested on.

"Super tits seduce young men quickly."

"_What?_" She turned to the boy.

"Super tits seduce young men quickly. Sui, Tang, Song, Yuan, Ming and Qing." She looked surprised, and he smirked again.

"Fuck it," she said, and closed her laptops screen. Stupid cursor. "Fuck it," she repeated. "I'm gonna fail anyways."

"Yeah, well, that means you'll get to hang out with me next year, after Brain and Co. go to college." She grinned as the thought of the youngest boy, Tyler, going off to Columbia. He'd surprised everyone but Reid and Jordan- who'd both been copying his homework for years-when he was accepted early decision to the Ivy League school, and Pogue and Caleb were going to Boston, BU.

Younger than all four of the boys by almost a year, Jordan had always spent more time with Reid and Tyler than anyone else- even girls her own age. Her mother and Reid's had been best friends since high school, she and Reid had grown up across the street from each other and she remembered Isabel as much as she remembered her own mother Naomi in memories of her childhood, as much as she remembered Pogue, Caleb, Reid and Tyler. Jordan had stuck out like a sore thumb from the four Sons of Ipswich. While they were fair-skinned, pink-cheeked and sturdy children she'd been knobby-kneed, unbrushed hair crazy and eyes wild, black on her face, such an odd shade of golden olive. She remembered most of her childhood in snapshots: Caleb, nearly three, holding the tiny girl even though he was tiny himself. Tyler's face to their left twisted into a wail as Reid grinned triumphantly at the camera, having wrenched Tyler's favorite train from him as his hair stuck straight up, nearly translucently pale. Pogue held three blocks in his lap- two red and one orange- as he sat to Caleb's right, watching Jordan seriously as she giggled, Caleb tickling her like he might a baby sister. People often thought Caleb and Jordan were related- they were both tanner by far than the other three, and though her hair was much lighter their eyes were black, mirror images- Jordan's danced with mischief far more than the serious Caleb.

Joey, an arm around Tyler on her right and Reid on her left, with her hair up in an awful side ponytail, braces glinting metally as their awkward phases were immortalized for anyone who picked up the Polaroid. Reid was packing some major orthodontia too, hair gelled into an NSYNC-like atrocity. He'd tried to _frost the tips, _even, but his hair had been as light as the dye. Tyler was wearing his favorite jacket- chartreuse, and hideous- and Caleb, at the left edge of the frame, looked ridiculously geeky in those khaki plastic pants that unzipped below the knee to become shorts, with green and red trainers. It must've been fifth grade, but it felt like lifetimes ago. Joey's eyes reached just beyond the camera, mouth open as she smiled at Pogue, taking the picture.

The first day of high school. Tyler's mom Lena had gotten them all together, waiting for Tyler's cousin Johnny, a "cool" senior, to take them to Spenser for the first time so they didn't have to go with their parents. Sitting in a row on the curb in front of Tyler's house, they didn't realize the picture was being taken. Slightly fuzzy in the background, Tyler's gray tabby, Pumpkin (who knew?) was licking what appeared to be his balls- something Joey and Reid liked to point out every time they saw the picture. Joey was telling a story, nearly whacking Tyler in the head as she gesticulated wildly with her sharp-elbowed arms. Caleb's head was tipped back to her left, laughing a belly laugh with his eyes closed. Pogue was facing Joey, squatting with easy grace in the street as he watched the girl, a smile on his face. Reid looked almost cat-like as he stared off to the side, tense and alert at something Joey would never be able to see. Tyler was studying his hands, facing directly forward. Joey knew him too well not to detect the subtle signs of nervousness scrawled across her friend's face- the tightening along his jaw, the slight widening in his already-wide eyes. Joey had lost baby fat, looking strangely adult- Caleb and Pogue already possessed the lithe bodies of adults, lean and strong swimmers. Reid had always been Reid- whip-thin and wiry. Only Tyler was more child than adult; eyes innocent and body soft. This picture was who they were: Joey the entertainer, Tyler the worrier, Reid intense as always while Caleb expressed any emotion he felt freely, and Pogue. Pogue, cracking a smile for one of the few people who could coax one from him.

A month ago, Joey's seventeenth birthday. Her black hair darker than her black shirt, her dark eyes sparkled, the irises for once visible, a dark and ruddy brown encircling her pupils. She smiled big, shrinking from Reid as he was shown mid-lunge, a hand full of cake outstretched towards her face. She was reaching for Tyler, trying to hide behind the slender boy even as he, too, shrunk from the impending cakesplosion. Joey's mother stood with Reid's by the stairs, Naomi's black hair and dark eye shining out of pale skin, offsetting Isabel's cool, Grace Kelly look-alike beauty - their children so much like them as dark-eyed Joey ran from Ice Prince Reid. Joey'd always wished she looked more like her mother- had her dark hair and pale skin; her soft, slightly ethereal curved features. Like a sea creature, Naomi was stunning where Joey was slightly bonier, more angular. Pogue stood behind the cake table, expression and eyes inscrutable, closest to the mothers while Caleb stood on the table's opposite side, between Reid and the cake now. All eyes were on the flying cake, except for Johnny's, who'd held the camera steady as he snapped the shot.

"Joey? _Joey_. Joe. Jordan!" Her eyes snapped from the closed laptop to Reid, his icy eyes even cooler now with impatience.

"What?" She snapped back at the boy.

"Are you _coming?_"

"Where?" Reid rolled his eyes as though he was trying to speak English to a capybara, or something.

"I just told you. Come on."


	2. Bad Actors, Guilty Faces

"Remind me why I'm doing this, again." Jordan's voice was a hiss, irritated and nervous as they made their way through the trees- away from the dorms past curfew. Reid ignore her, walking quickly as she stalked after him. "No. No way. Tell me we're not at AP Hughes' office." Assistant Provost Hughes held the title of Scariest Person Ever, from his copious amounts of ear hair to his, er, disciplinary techniques- which involved cleaning toilets and checking leaks in sewage pipes. It probably wasn't even legal.

"We're not at AP Hughes' office," Reid said with a smirk. His expression was self-righteous, infuriating. Jordan turned around, ready to make a run for the dorms when she came face to face with Reid, blue eyes black as night.

"I-"

"Hate me, I know." He bent swiftly, grabbing her around the middle and lifting her quickly, hurrying towards the small, dark building. Dangling below Reid's shoulder, she rued the day their mothers had ever met.

"No." Jordan turned to Reid from where he had dumped her unceremoniously in a computer chair. In _HUGHES' _computer chair. "Whatever I'm being forced to do, no."

"The definition of force is that it's not by choice. Besides, I'm taking care of most of it. All I need's for you to work your little geek-magic on the system." She knew there was no point in trying to get away, she'd have to do it. "There's no point in trying to get away," Reid smirked again- what was _with_ all the smirking? And what, could he read her mind now? They all knew each other too damn well.

"So, what? What am I doing?" She tried to muster as much contempt as possible, but deflated when he grinned.

"Only you can make someone want to punch you in the face with less than ten words. Besides me, obviously. I think that what we need this glorious, unnecessary senior year is a little study time. Say, seven periods of Study Hall? And Aaron, he's falling behind in math. He needs some one-on-one time with Professor Chandler. And, you know, the other five hundred students are in really bad shape- they need help with their grades, too, and some of them really need to work out." Jordan had already flicked on the computer, she waited unenthusiastically for the screen to blink on. Blowing stray hairs out of her face, she typed seven keys when the password was demanded. Wrong. Reid watched as Joey frowned for a minute, face lit up in the Technicolor glow of the computer screen before her eyes lit up and she typed fourteen keys, rapidly.

"Bingo." Her self-satisfaction was evident.

Reid paced, impatient as Joey alternately typed and clicked for nearly forty-five minutes.

"Jesus, Joe- what the fuck are you doing? I thought I said fuck with the schedules, not reconfigure the entire system." She merely glanced at him, such a condescending glance that he felt like he was looking at proud Naomi, though her eyes were lighter than Jordan's, and not as warm.

"I have to change five HUNDRED individual schedules- sorry if I'm taking too long for you!" She giggled sarcastically. "Oh, and Aaron's getting a normal schedule. We can't give him a shit schedule, or who would that point to? Oh, hmmm, you and me. Any way you can, like, get his prints, trade them for mine on the keys? I can access the system's history- Aaron's D+ in CS just bumped up three letters." It was the only way Aaron could ever have gotten an A in Computer Science- they were doing him a favor, Reid figured.

He nodded his approval but his eyes landed on the metal cabinet where Hughes kept his student files. Reid instantly forgot their little scheduling conflicts as he opened the top drawer, fingers gliding through last names A through F.

"Well Jordan Leigh Cahill, you're first. Dude- your file is like, _obese_." It was true, her file looked as though it had been taken out many times, and it was stuffed. Caleb Michael Danvers was next, though his file was practically nonexistent- a fight he'd gotten into with Aaron in the parking lot, defending- surprise!- Reid and Jordan. Reid's records spanned two files, while Tyler and Pogue had only small offenses. _Rash _was the word they used to describe Jordan; they reserved _foolish _and _senseless _for Reid.

"Done," she called finally. "Fingerprints?"

"Got it covered," the boy replied, eyes black for a moment before clearing. "Let's get out of here." And they left the room exactly as it had been.

"Well hello, ladies." Caleb slung an arm around the blonde boy and semi-blonde girl. "You're looking very pretty today, Reid. So tell me, what did you do to the schedules, Joe?" She slid out from under his heavy arm, trying her best wide-eyed and innocent.

"What are you talking about? We haven't even gotten our schedules yet." Caleb tilted his head to the side, pretending to think- he was in a sarcastic mood this morning. He spoke, dropping his voice conspiratorially. The two leaned in towards him.

"Mmm, well. This- and you know what this is, don't even try to do the Bambi face Joey- has you… and Reid… written all over it. Who else could access the database and the grade records to give _Aaron Abbot _an A in Computer Science? I heard Higgins and Hughes. And Reid. Little Reid, who else would actually do this? You're the only person who could get Joey to go along with you, too. And framing Aaron- that was Joey's idea, I'm sure, but the rest…" Reid and Jordan exchanged looks around Caleb's solid chest- hers accusing, his slightly defensive. "I know everything," Caleb voiced the answer to their unspoken question, irritatingly smug.

"Look- Pogue and Tyler!" Jordan pointed, full of "enthusiasm" that from Caleb's smirk proved once again her sad lack of acting- and diversionary- talents. The two dark-haired boys were making their way across the hall, having picked up their schedules from the N-T line. Pogue's hair was stringy, hanging in his face. Tyler looked his usual: narrow face, eyes almost too-blue against pale skin, dark hair short. The doe-eyed boy had turned into an impish teen, something that thrilled many an underclassmen girl and amused many a Jordan Cahill.

She reached a hand up to Pogue, brushing hair from his face. "What, give up showering as a protest against the tyranny that is academia?" He rolled his eyes, not dignifying her with a response.

"Schedules?" Tyler asked innocently. His eyes were wickedly amused; Reid never could keep secrets from Tyler.

"Oh, Reid and I didn't get ours yet."

"Oh, don't worry," Caleb put in easily, "I picked them up for you two." He really was infuriating sometimes. The five extended their slips of paper, a ring of _Study Halls _punctuated only by the occasional _Physical Education_.

"Well, we all have three Studies first, then… Reid and I have three PE's? Thanks, Joey… Caleb has two more studies, then two free, and Pogue… and Joey have three free, one PE. Thanks for getting us out early." He referred to the seventh period of the day, which Tyler and Reid had free. She couldn't give them all the exact same schedule… that would just look suspicious. Right?

The group exchanged amused glances- Reid's and Jordan's just a hint too satisfied to appear innocent- as AP Hughes and Provost Higgins pulled Aaron from a gaggle of students in the schedule line, looking furious.

Fourteen games of Hangman later and the five's shared Study Hall silence was broken by a groan of "_No more Monty Python_" from Tyler, as his man hung fully from a noose. Again. Jordan smiled, wiggling an eyebrow playfully as she held the notebook out to him. He cocked his head, thinking with brows furrowed endearingly before bending over the notebook, drawing a crude set of gallows and twelve crooked letter lines. Pogue was busy avoiding Kate as he slouched low in his seat- _that _breakup had been messy, but he didn't have to worry. She'd made sure they didn't share a "class." Caleb was reading a book while Reid scanned the hall, probably for new freshman girls. Perv. There were at least nine girls "conveniently" located with their friends located in the rows that surrounded the boys and Jordan, stealing not-so-surreptitious glances at one of the boys. She giggled, unable to stop herself. The boys looked up at her.

"What?" Tyler asked, but she shook her head.

"You guys seem to have an audience," she whispered. She got some sick pleasure out of watching her friends try to evade advances from girls convinced they were the only one who had the power to reach the hidden "heart of gold" from the boys who were wrongly perceived as rebels. The boys glanced around at the girls, all of whom seemed to desperately need something from their bag at the same moment. Jordan snorted, and Reid smirked while Pogue merely studied the girls. Caleb turned immediately back to his book, and Tyler looked faintly uncomfortable. She could see the blush creep up his neck, his ears- just like when they were little and Ms. Bauer had caught him eating paste. Like he'd ever lived that one down. Caleb looked at Joey over his book, opening his mouth to say something to her but then she and Tyler began another round of Hangman and he closed his mouth, eyes returning to his book.


	3. Quiz Me

**Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed. I wasn't sure whether or not to write this story completely, because I didn't know if poeople were into it, but I'm stoked you guys liked it. Hope you enjoy the chapter. **

"You know, I never thought I'd say this, but if I have to go back to Study Hall again today I will projectile vomit." Pogue nodded in agreement, and she gave him a sideways look. "It seems like Linda and Anne enjoyed it quite a bit, though." The boy shuddered, and cast a withering glare at Jordan. They made their way through row after row of parked cars- all new, and expensive- and stopped at his Ducati.

"Caffeination?" Pogue nodded, again, and held out his helmet for her. She shook her head.

"You wear it," he said. "Not like it'd hurt me." She allowed herself a grin as he shoved the helmet onto her head, jokingly rough. Sitting on the bike behind Pogue, Jordan pressed herself against his solid warmth, leaning with him into the turns. Always with him.

Java Jones' sign hung appealing over the store, Jordan felt her mouth water. Pavlov's caffeine addict, she thought to herself. Caffeination Nation.

"Can I have-"

"A regular Red-Eye." Jason, the morning/early afternoon barista, held out a to-go cup with double shot of espresso in medium roast coffee. "Figured you two would come by." The sole coffee aficionados of the five (with the exception of Reid, who liked any addictive substance), they frequented Java Jones more than Reid did strange girls' bedrooms.

"Thanks," the dark-eyed girl chirped.

"Anytime," Jason smiled at her.

"And can I get a-"

"Large Red-Eye." He handed the second drink to Pogue, who smiled. They gave Jason a ten dollar bill, refusing change for the drinks that were $2.20 each. Jordan watched as Pogue poured about eight seconds' worth of sugar in a steady stream. His hidden sweet side, she mused. It was funny, almost, she decided as she drank her coffee with only half-and-half. They sat today in the leather couch in the corner, for once unoccupied. The hole-in-the-wall place sported exposed bricks, and several half-rooms that looked scooped out, indentations in the large square building. It was big band swing in Java this morning and even Pogue nodded his head while Jordan danced her way to their couch.

"Okay, seriously, what's wrong?" Joey had waited for Pogue to down at least half of his drink; caffeine always put him in a better mood. She could see him think for a moment, picking words. He always thought before he spoke, it seemed. Like every word he said was special.

"I dunno. Nothing… just trying not to see Kate. Bad situation." She winced in sympathy. While Caleb and Sarah were still together, dating long-distance since her scholarship had fallen through thanks to a certain AP Hughes, Kate and Pogue, well, they weren't. And it wasn't pretty.

"Want another Red-Eye?" Jordan smiled hopefully, and stood. She was awful at the whole comforting thing. Pogue looked at her, at the slightly crooked right front tooth. It made the tooth next to it come forward, half a millimeter, and it angled slightly inwards. She smiled with her mouth closed, most times, even though you could barely see it- she never did wear her retainers. It was his favorite thing about her, so he smiled back, and nodded.

He regretted it later, though, after their fourth round of Red-Eyes, when Jordan grabbed his hand with her small one. She lifted, leaning back as she tried to use her diminutive form to extricate him from the couch. _Remember when you joined Swing Club with me, because I told you Kate loved dancing? That was eighth grade, wasn't it? You were so mad at me… _And then her black eyes crinkled up at the corners, smiling eyes, and he stood without thinking. Business Suits and Disaffected Youth watched them together, smiling and amused as the girl with the willowy motions of a dancer urged the shuffling boy move. Jason watched them, suddenly thoughtful. Something was different about them, the two of them together. He wondered how long Pogue had been in love with Jordan; if he even knew he was.

"So, when you and your BFF are having a totally fun sleepover, you pop in:

A) Sleepover- Alexa Vega is awesome and Sean Faris is totally cute!

B) Beaches- nothing makes you love your pals more! Or-

C) The DVD of The Suite Life with Zack and Cody, Season One. Those twins are doubly cute and double trouble!" Pogue shot her a death glare over the magazine rack they were circling.

"A," he said, voice girly and sarcastic. "Sean Faris is sooo cute."

"He is," Jordan replied amiably, and Pogue shook his head as he walked to the new release table in Chaucer's (Your Family Bookstore!). Jordan was still flipping through Quizfest magazine, laughing at the horrifying pictures of twelve-year-old boys attempting to work their "sex appeal." _Does your guy pal like you? Or _like _you? _Hmmm…

"Pogue! You are, like, so totally in love with me! Why didn't you tell me?" Pogue glanced up, trying to disguise the naked panic on his face.

"What?" She held up the magazine, and he scowled, relieved. "You seriously need to stop reading those. Do you hear that? It's the sound of your seven remaining brain cells popping." Jordan had walked over to the boy, and she reached forward to cuff the side of his head. She pulled a phone from her pocket, and frowned at the screen.

"We gotta go."

They showed up in the gym less than ten minutes later, speed walking and slightly out of breath. Reid and Tyler were walking towards them, towards the exit.

"Joey- I hate you," Tyler looked annoyed. "I just spent the past _two and a half _hours playing badminton. If I see another birdie I am going to shove it up someone's ass."

"Oh, thank Reid. His idea." And Tyler did, with a swift kick to the back of the blonde's knee. Both boys stumbled, but Reid merely mumbled Fuck you under his breath and kept walking. She and Pogue made their way to Coach Johnson, unenthusiastic.

Seventy-five minutes of vicious badminton later and Pogue was sporting the beginnings of a black eye, courtesy of Jordan. She still wasn't sure how she'd managed to elbow the taller boy in the eye, but if her sad lack of hand-eye coordination was any judge, he was lucky to escape with just that. They were circling the edge of the indoor pool, trying to cut through the lockers and avoid Johnson, when Jordan felt the ground rush out from under her, and- the pool was cold. She pushed off of the rough pool floor, trailing air bubbles as she rocketed towards the surface like a cork. Gasping, she pushed wet hair from her face.

"You suck."

"Learned it from the best."


	4. Blue Lips

**Alright, thanks so much for the reviews- seriousloy. This is a ridiculously short chapter, but my mom has to get into the office and I'll update again this afternoon/night. Enjoy.**

"Don't ask," a nearly blue-lipped Jordan shivered darkly to Tyler as she climbed, dripping, into the boy's yellow hummer. Pogue smirked in after her. Tyler opened his mouth to say something, but something about Joey's expression made him turn around, turning the key in the ignition wordlessly.

"Where to?" Tyler asked as he pulled onto the main road. He was driving his own car for once, Reid having deigned to be a passenger.

"Java?" Reid suggested, but Jordan and Pogue groaned.

"No more caffeine," Pogue mumbled.

"Ookay. Um, Nicky's?" Reid spoke at the same time Jordan suggested "Video games at Pogue's?"

"Video games, then Nicky's," they said together, agreeing for once as they smirked their identical smirks. No one objected- Pogue's meant no parents and no Billie, Hall Monitor of Satan, harpy of Hughes.

"You look like a wet rat," Reid told Jordan, who only snuggled against him, leaning her head on his shoulder so that her long hair dripped down his shirt. The look in his eyes was so disdainful that she laughed; Joey always could get away with murder around Reid.

"Go! Go! Dammit!" Jordan was jerking her controller to the right, leaning with it like it would help her busty stripper/assassin escape her impending doom at the hands of Reid's annoying mouse creature. "HAH!" She blasted the satanic rat off of the plane, and the Russian stripper Aleksandra beamed her boobs down from the winner's pedestal. The resident Mega Mutilation champion, Jordan was pushed off of the couch to make room for Tyler, and she slouched into the kitchen, thirsty.

Caleb was leaning against the shitty tile counter, propping the refrigerator door open with one foot while he chugged from the orange juice carton. He froze, eyes guilty as though drinking without a glass was some kind of abomination. Well, Evelyn always was Ms. Manners- Jordan always expected to drive her to an aneurism, what with her lack of ladylike charm and all. She held a hand out, and Caleb wordlessly passed her the carton. She hefted herself onto the counter, letting her dangling feet swing as she drank. She passed the container back to Caleb, who shook it's last dying drops into his mouth, shooting her a reproachful glance.

"What? I was thirsty." Pogue appeared in the doorway leading to his bedroom, holding a sweatshirt. He tossed it across all six feet of the kitchen, it landed on Jordan's lap. Happy to get out of the wet clothes that were starting to smell like large dogs, she quickly peeled her tank top off of her wet back, dropping it beside her. Pogue knew he should look away- Caleb was still rooting around the refrigerator, oblivious- but the movements of her long, loose limbs were slightly hypnotic, and her olive skin was golden in the window's light. He ducked to retie a shoe, and when he stood she sat in his maroon sweatshirt and her wet skirt. She still shivered, and when he walked around the island to join Caleb he felt two long arms encircle his shoulders, elegant hands meeting just shy of his left collarbone. Jordan pulled Pogue towards her, until he was standing between her dangling legs. She rested her chin on his shoulder, their cheeks nearly touching as she pressed herself against him.

"I'm freezing," she said quietly. He loved the rasp in her voice. Her mouth was inches from his ear. Her heart-shaped mouth. He could feel her breasts against his back. Three layers between their bodies. Three. He resisted the urge to make the number less. His hand brushed against her leg, accidentally, and he pulled back as though stung. Her skin was smooth, almost dolphin-like, she held some kind of electrical charge when she touched him. A shock. He could feel her collarbone, digging into his shoulder. Her arms were wrapped so tightly around his torso; he wanted to kiss her collarbone.

For now, keeping her warm was enough.


	5. And It Stoned Me

**I'm really appreciating the reviews, you guys have no idea how cool it is to hear from people who's writing I love, and just how much everyone has liked the story so far. Thanks again.**

"Dude," Caleb whacked Pogue on the arm, He looked up from the foosball table, annoyed.

"You can't just distract me every time I'm kicking your ass…" He trailed off.

"Tell me that's not Joey." But he couldn't, because it was. It was Joey in the dress that fell maybe an inch below her ass- god, she was tall, but when had her legs gotten so _long_? She was as tall as Tyler in those heels. Pogue and Caleb gave Reid and Tyler glares- Tyler shrugged defensively but Reid merely smirked, amused. He'd been waiting to see the looks on the older boys' faces when they saw their little baby Joey all grown up like a bad girl in the world's tiniest dress.

Her already sultry dark eyes were lined in black, eyelashes long and thick. Her hair fell in a seductively disheveled halo of gold. Her lips weren't naturally red, and she'd left them nude, she was entirely shades of gold. She'd left the silver studs- four in each earlobe- alone, and the hoops in places of her cartilage. Her sleeveless dress cut low, exposing constellations of delicate freckles across her collarbones and shoulders. Why did he want to press his fingers over those freckles? To rest his face in the hollow of her neck and shoulder? The two freckles on her left cheek, the one above her arching eyebrow- they were irresistible. The gray dress made her olive skin tanner than usual, a contrast to her light hair. Those long, lithe limbs were flawless, attracting a trail of glances as she made her way through the room in that dress. That goddamn dress.

"Joe. What the fuck are you wearing? Here, put on my jacket." It was Caleb, of course, but she only rolled her eyes.

"Sit, Rottweiler. Stay. It's hot in here- I'm fine." She raised a dark eyebrow at Pogue, quiet even for him. He raised his own brow back at her, doffing an invisible hat before turning and making his way to the bar. "What's his deal?" But she only spoke to Caleb; Reid and Tyler had seen Aaron at the pool tables- they were long gone.

"Do you really not know?" Jordan glanced at the black-haired boy, surprised at the animosity bubbling up in his tone and then in his eyes.

"Does it look like I know?" She was defensive now, voice sullen as she surreptitiously tugged at the bottom of her dress- her underwear was not exactly conservative or even there, really.

"Then maybe you need to look at your friend and _see _him. Figure it out." _Cryptic much? _Annoyed, she stalked away from Caleb, swinging her hips suggestively to irritate the protective boy.

She reached Reid and Tyler at the pool tables as they were swiping money from the table. Aaron glanced up as he heard her footsteps, looking down when he saw her face. A moment later, though, he glanced back at her, eyes narrowed in- confusion? She shot him a revolted look before leaning provocatively into Reid. She wanted to get a rise out of Aaron. Stupid dick.

"Let's drink," she whispered to the blonde, lips touching his ear. He pulled back slightly, raising his eyebrows as he gave her a questioning look. Whatever he saw in her eyes, he quickly nodded, a single duck of his head.

"I love you," Jordan yelled in Reid's ear. Five boilermakers, seven for him- they loved _everyone_. He smiled a stupid smile, half a laugh.

"Let's dance," he yelled to the girl who's face was less than a foot from his own, she nodded enthusiastically. Reid grabbed her hand, leading her through the haze of smoke and bodies. He didn't drop her hands when they reached the dance floor, but guided them to his neck and chest as he lets his hands drop to her waist. As they danced, so did their hands- her long fingers twining through the white-blonde hair under his beanie, over his chest, his neck; his ghostly ones sliding over her stomach, her hips and her ass.

Two boys watched from a table; Tyler amused and Caleb slightly disgusted.

"That's gonna blow up," Tyler said, offhand.

"My thoughts exactly."

Joey smiled as they danced, a sheen of sweat covering both of them but the sweat and the smell of whiskey and beer only seemed to make their bodies slide together effortlessly. Dancing with Reid was amazing in a sleazy, we're-both-shitfaced-out-of-our-minds kind of way. Nicky knew they were in high school, but he liked those two and he'd let them in since they were freshman. The fiery Joey always shutting down cocky Reid; they made him laugh and so he barely glanced at the 300-pound altar-ego in Reid's ID, who's name was Jesus Gardner.

"Smoke?" Reid asked, and Joey nodded. His hand slipped into hers again to pull her through the crowd of Spenser kids and locals alike. They stood close together as they leaned on the wall outside; Reid blocking the wind from Jordan as she lit her cigarette from his, mouths inches apart.

From across the lot, Pogue could see Reid's back, shielding Jordan from view as his head tilted. As he leaned forward. Then, his body rotated, back moving to the wall beside her. Lights. Only cigarettes.

"FUCK YOU!" She screamed it at the top of her lungs to the taillights of Tyler's car, to Reid's hand flipping her off out the drivers' side window. Tyler and Reid thought it'd be funny to leave Jordan while she was trying to extricate herself from the clutches of Sideburn Man and Handlebar Mustache of Satan, who apparently were fans of the gray dress too. Normally she wouldn't have cared, but Caleb had kicked off early to call Sarah, and Pogue was AWOL. She was trapped in the land of the misfit toys: the young and the desperate, the over-forty singles crowd, and the nasty Spenser boys who, let's say, weren't just there for the company of their friends.

"Need a ride?" Aaron and his friends had walked up behind her while she was screaming at Reid and Tyler. He was definitely invading her personal space, his breath hot on her neck.

"Fuck off, Abbot." He laughed mirthlessly, sliding an arm across her shoulders and pulling her close to him.

"You know Jordan, I don't think I want to fuck off. I think you and I want to party." She snorted at that. "I mean, who else were you waiting for in this parking lot? The Bitches of Ipswich left." The way his eyes ran over her made Jordan uncomfortable. She turned, moved to walk back inside. Aaron grabbed her hand, yanking her back. She stumbled from the force of his grasp, and fell against him. He wrapped his arms around her. "Now that's more like it, don't you think?"

"I don't know," Joey spat up at him, eyes cold. "The view up your nostrils is fairly paralyzing. I mean, I wondered what happened to all the redwood trees, but now I know! Just fuck _off_, Aaron."

"I don't think I will. Thanks, though. You and I are gonna go for a little ride. Don't worry, though. I'll get you home safe and sound." She fought a shiver.

"Actually, Aaron, I'm pretty sure she just told you to fuck off. Girls that want you to fuck off generally don't want to get in your car _or _touch your penis. Nice try, though. A for effort! A gold star, maybe." It was Pogue, his walk just slow enough to be menacing. "Now Aaron, there's a lot of girls in there who like it when they can't tell a guy's mouth from his asshole. Don't you think it's unfair to deprive them?" Pogue his own arm around Jordan's shoulders, and pulled her, snakelike, from Aaron's grasp. "Tootles," he called over his shoulder as they walked to his bike, wiggling his fingers at Aaron.

He didn't speak to Jordan, though he left his arm curled safely around her when they reached the Ducati. He handed her the helmet.

"Where to?" He asked her, eyes concerned.

"Uh, I dunno. Not the dorms. I cannot handle Camzilla right now. Anywhere, really." She was more shaken than she let on, but he knew her too well anyways. She recognized the drive: the right on Mission, left on Grand, another left on Canyon after the lake, a right up El Cielito. Pogue's house.

"Coffee?" He asked her, grasping the hem of his shirt. She nodded.

"Sure." He moved into the kitchen, and she made her way over piles of game cartridges, halo paraphernalia, and DVDs to the CD player next to the TV. She flipped through several stacks of CD's, and held up two. Jeff Buckley, or Van Morrison? She chose the latter, and slid Moondance into the stereo. "And It Stoned Me" filled the small room, echoing into the kitchen.

"Good choice," Pogue said when Jordan joined him. "You okay?"

"Yeah, of course." He looked skeptical, but she just smiled and he saw her little crooked tooth and in the end he did too. She sat on the counter again- boys didn't think things like chairs through in their apartments, apparently. The tea kettle whistled, and both moved to get it. They froze, laughing awkwardly, before Pogue moved this time to turn off the burner.

He pulled the instant coffee from the fridge, both kept a slightly too-polite distance as they stirred the steamy liquid, the clinking of spoons and crooning of Van Morrison were the only noises in the dark apartment.

"Why are we awkward?" Joey voiced the question she'd been thinking for the past ten minutes with the same song, the CD player was permanently stuck on repeat. Pogue looked at her from where he stood, her thin legs swinging, knocking her heels against the cabinets below. _Because I love you. _

"I don't know." He was lying, she knew. She thought about what Caleb said. _See _him. She studied Pogue; really looked at him for the first time in a long time. His face was no longer a carbon copy of the one she knew like the back of her hand, that child's face. It was narrower now, cheeks slightly hollow beneath sharp cheekbones. His mouth was the same as it had always been- soft, and vulnerable. She liked the veins that ran deliciously up his forearms. She wanted… to lick them? Uhh, _that _can't be right. She looked at the soft hair that reached his shoulders, slightly darker than hers. His skin, several shades lighter. She looked at the green eyes she'd envied so much growing up, when she had hated her "mud" eyes that were now coal. She looked at the expression in his eyes, his beautiful eyes. Oh. _Oh_.

"C'mere." Pogue gave Jordan a questioning look, but she merely beckoned him with a hand, eyes wide. Several steps, and he was looking Jordan in the eye. "Why didn't you just do it?" She asked him, sliding forward on the tile countertop. Her breath was sweet on his parted lips.

"What?" She reached her hands up, out to him. They pulled the back of his neck almost roughly until he was pressed against the cabinets, body flush against hers, and she kissed him. It was a rough kiss but not unkind, a kiss of frustration and also of satisfaction. Her hands snaked in his hair, the back of his neck, his chest. He cupped her face in two large hands, touching her cheeks gently as he felt the smooth skin under his calluses, marveling at the liquid silk of her straight hair as his fingers danced through it's full length, nearly to her bellybutton. She tasted like boilermakers and coffee and he couldn't get enough. They kissed with urgent mouths, lips wet as they slipped over each other. Pogue pulled back from her face, meeting her eyes. She was even more beautiful close up, if possible- her eyes slanting and feline, cheekbones elegant and nose and mouth perfectly delicate.

"Since when do you have a tongue ring?" She raised an eyebrow suggestively.

"Do you not like it?" She jokingly stuck her tongue out, crossing her eyes to look at the stud.

"I didn't say that." He bent slightly, kissing the freckles on her collarbone he'd found so irresistible. Her head tilted back as he kissed her neck, the constellations of sots in a plane of gold, they were sweeter than even he had imagined. Coffee long forgotten, Pogue lifted Jordan from the countertop, her legs already wrapped around him. She was lighter than he expected, as he carried her without breaking the kiss. Bones like a bird. He could get used to this, to Joey under him on his bed, her hands on the fly of his jeans, pulling his shirt over his head… Chills crept down his spine as her tongue touched his earlobe, but he forced himself to pull back. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but she brushed her index finger over his lips, and he closed them over her fingertip. She smiled, and spoke instead.

"I know. We can just listen tonight." And so they did.

_On the way back home we sang a song_

_But our throats were getting dry_

_Then we saw the man from across the road_

_With the sunshine in his eyes_

_Well, he lived all alone in his little home_

_With a great big gallon jar-_

_There were bottles, too, one for me and one for you_

_And he said- Hey! There you are. _


	6. Sea and the Rhythm

**Loving the reviews, guys, I seriously appreciate it. Enjoy the new chapter, and yessss for Casey (Bitch Goddess).**

Joey was happy to see Reid looking as bad as she felt when she caught up to him he next morning, standing in the corner of the common room with Tyler.

"Assholes," she called to them as she made her way around pajama-clad roommates picking up bagels from the breakfast table. Anyone who had ever tried eating breakfast in the cafeteria ate breakfast from the common room tables. Eyebrows raised when they saw Jordan in what was obviously last night's clothes, shoes dangling from a wrist. Reid wordlessly handed her the extra cup of coffee he'd been holding. It was probably the closest to an apology she would get and Reid made the best coffee, so she took it. "When do you think they're gonna start trying to fix the schedules?" She asked the boys. To her surprise, it was Tyler that responded.

"Miss Mencina is stuck in Mexico- something about a stolen passport. Mr. Pollard is in India- he got some weird Malaria type shit. So anyways, he's in a hospital there and P Hig thinks that maybe they should just wait a little bit to fix it. You know, fake "technical difficulties" to cover the whole, teaching-staff-is MIA thing." Jordan gave him a slightly incredulous look. Innocent little Tyler? "They never even notice I'm there," he proclaimed almost proudly.

Pogue appeared in the doorway of the common room- he always did, for the free food- she saw him over Reid's shoulder.

"I'm gonna go change," she said quickly to the younger boys, slipping past them and licking her lips comically at Pogue as she passed him behind the others' backs. She could've sworn the buzz of girls' whispers followed her from the room, though they were met with three protective glares. Only they were allowed talk shit about Jordan, and only to each other.

When she returned minutes later Caleb was there, and she'd exchanged the now-infamous dress for a pair of sweats that Reid pointed out were _definitely _his that hung low on her hips beneath a tattered and holey white t-shirt that was far too short for her torso. She glared at their confused faces, raising a hand up to span the gap between her pants and shirt.

"Cameron decided to do laundry, and she offered to do mine, only it's taking, like, eight years. What? Why else do you think I wore a _dress _last night? Seriously." Caleb was just relieved not to find Jordan looking resplendent in assless chaps, or something of the like.

Study Hall was as mind numbing as the first day only more so, and now with a soundtrack- the periodic sighing of said nine girls from the first day. Apparently they found Reid's obvious hangover and Pogue's tired, black rimmed eyes only made them more intriguing. The only thing different about the dimly-lit and monotonous hours that stretched before them was their seating arrangement, for Pogue now sat on the end, to Jordan's right. Joey was busy examining the cigarette burn on her left wrist, between the bone and the back of her hand. She and Reid always got so _stupid _when they were drunk together. She whispered his name, holding up the shiny burn for him to see when he looked up.

"I didn't think you'd actually let me do it."

"Yeah, well, I didn't think you'd actually do it." They smirked; these were the two who had ridden their biked off of the shed roof onto the grass at JFK Junior High- Joey had sprained her wrist, but Reid had actually broken his shin. They had thought it was a great idea. Caleb and Tyler started carrying Ace bandages.

"You guys are stupid," Caleb stated, sounding so much like a fifth-grade boy that all five of them laughed. Pogue grasped Joey's wrist with cool fingers that burned, pulling it close to his face. He breathed cold air onto the spot, and she smiled.

"I'm not getting in this car unless you tell me where we're going," Pogue informed Jordan as she lead him to the small tank otherwise known as her Buick. "You might try and force me to touch your wiener." Joey laughed as she leaned against the passengers side of the car.

"If you say wiener one more time I'll turn yours into a wiener schnitzel. Or maybe I'll use this." She drew a corkscrew from her pocket, laughing at the involuntary wine she elicited before grabbing the shoulder of his shirt and pulled him into a kiss. She leaned back without breaking it so that he was nearly hunched over her, and she broke the kiss before he was ready, wiping the corner of her bottom lip with a ringed, white-nailed index finger, smiling devilishly. He _really _liked that tongue ring. "How about now?" He replied without hesitation.

"Okay." Oh, boys.

"Where are we going?" Pogue asked again, as the headlight's of Jordan's car swung across Hot Springs Canyon.

"You'll see." Jordan was excited. Either that, or hula-hooping pygmies were having a dance party somewhere in her abdomen. The first track of the CD she'd ditched Pogue during their free periods to make- "Thirteen" by Elliott Smith- rose up from her car's speakers, magic in the dark. They drove in comfortable silence, except for Pogue's somewhat irritated glances. He hated ignored questions.

"We're here." He glanced around. Where… was here, precisely? Jordan had pulled over, parking her car in the shoulder of the deserted road. The canopy of branches overhead fenced in this secret world for dreamers who couldn't sleep. Track 6 started, and Jordan yanked the volume dial to the right, hopping from her seat and circling the front of the car. In the glow of the headlights she looked like a wood nymph, barefoot in her floaty linen dress (damn Cameron to hell) and halfway to celestial. If Naomi was a mermaid, ethereal and ghostly, from another world- then Jordan was a nymph, sprightly and angular. Her feral features held savage grace, and her tilting, heavy-lidded eyes were hypnotic. He wondered idly whether she would disappear, melt away into the woods that were so obviously her home.

The crunch that was his door opening broke the spell, and he turned to find Joey on one knee, eyes gleaming with mischief.

"May I have this dance?" He recovered his wits rather quickly- no drool-wiping was needed.

"You may," he said in his most effeminate tone, extending a hand. She took it, and he pulled her to her feet. She lead him into the glow of the headlights, and circled his neck tight tightly. His hands found her hips, though they did drift occasionally lower.

"Do remember this song?" She whispered it to him, bare feet standing on tiptoe. It was Iron & Wine's "Sea and the Rhythm." How could her forget?

"Freshman year. Ricky Fitts stood you up for homecoming. You were in your room listening to music. I came to your door and I asked you to dance- oh. _Oh._"

"Yeah, well. Even?" He shook his head.

"We were always even." She smiled up at him and he could see the stars in her eyes and this time he was the one who kissed her. They danced under the sky, her feet on top of his as they twirled so slowly, not knowing who's bruised lips were who's, any more. The rest of the CD was that same song- she really was that good. In the cushiony back of the station wagon, always filled with blankets, they lie and looked at the stars through her "sunroof."

"The world is changed, because you're ivory and gold."

"The curves of your lips rewrite history," she finished for him. Curt Wilde. Their favorite movie. "I love you." She hadn't meant to say it, really, but there it was.

"I always have," he replied simply. She slid over him, lips reaching for his that so eagerly sought out her own. This time, there was no hesitation, no indecision as she reached for his shirt, and he sat up slightly to let her pull it off. She kissed the vein running up his forearm that had tortured her, forever maybe. Her long and deft fingers found zipper of his jeans easily, and this time he didn't stop her. She pulled off his pants in one fluid motion, though her eyes crinkled when she caught sight of the cartoon boxers she'd given him for some birthday or other.

"These have _got _to go," her husky voice was languorous and he could nearly feel the raspy whispers caressing his body. He moved to pull them off himself, eager for them to "go," but she stopped him. "I'll do it." There was a scarf that had been cushioning the bottles of wine she'd stolen last weekend from Caleb's house, but she pulled it free now, and used Pogue's current mental incapacitation to slide it easily over his eyes.

"Wh-" his lips parted, but she cut him off as she slipped her tongue into his mouth, once, nibbling his bottom lip before pulling away. He shivered as her fingers brushed against his chest, his abs. They caressed the V of his hipbones before he felt her lips brush against them, warm and sweet and he could practically taste their cinnamon as he licked his lips. Her fingers slid under the waistband of his boxers, slightly, before slowly dragging them down his hips. Off. He was unable to stop his neck from arching, his head tipped backwards as his eyelids squeezed shut in pleasure at the touch of her tongue on him. Her lips and tongue grew gradually less soft, and quicker until he was panting, fighting to control himself.

"Joey stop," he gasped, and she raised her head and he slipped the blindfold from his eyes.

"You cheated," she said, but he couldn't see her eyes- he was unable to stop looking at her red, swollen lips; sultry and tantalizing.

"I want to see you," he whispered, sitting up fully now. He leaned into her for another kiss, his hands circling her back and searching out the zipper of her dress. He found it, caressing her neck as he went, and pulled the delicate metal slowly down. He slid the thin straps from her shoulders, and let the dress crumple in a heap at her feet. The expanse of skin he saw was breathtaking, and his hands took her in with his eyes, touching a hipbone, inside her knee, just below her breast. He moved himself over her, maneuvering so that she lay on her back. His kisses trailed from her mouth, along her jaw and over earlobes and collarbones, breasts and ribs. A large hand slipped between her legs, and she arched against him as he supported his weight with one arm. She reached for him, fingers digging into the muscles of his back as she nibbled his earlobe, sucking his neck.

"You ready?" He asked her, eyes serious. She nodded without once faltering, and he lowered himself onto her. She drew in a breath almost sharply as he slid into her.

"It's fine," she murmured to him as he hesitated. He nodded, and kissed her forehead as he began to move. There, they shone bright as any star in that field of stars and magic, of dreams. There, they were together- salty, and stinging, and full.

_Tonight, we're the sea and the salty breeze_

_The milk from your breast is on my lips_

_And lovelier words from your mouth to me  
When salty my sweat and fingertips _

Our hands they seek the end of afternoon  
My hands believe and move over you

Tonight, we're the sea and the rhythm there  
The waves and the wind and night is black  
Tonight we're the scent of your long dark hair  
Spread out like your breath across my back  
Your hands they move like waves over me  
Beneath the moon, tonight, we're the sea.


	7. Real Good Looking Boy

**Thanks to: W1cked Angel (you are awesome, dude, seriously), Tevee, FemmePhantom, Bitch Godess, Crimson Kiss, summerlover, and KidWithFace for reviewing and everything. Thanks to anyone who reads and likes my story. And W1cked Angel, Love and Some Verses is this really incredible song by Iron & Wine, you should check them out. **

**Anyways, news: I just got suspended for three days, because my Economics teaher had this huge hard-on during lecture and my best friend and I could not stop laughing, and he threw a bitch fit and was like "AUSTIN SHARE WHAT IS SO FUNNY." So I just said, "The little pup tent you've got going in your pants," and what do you know, I've got a minivacation. The point of this story being that once my mom finds out (tomorrow) it might be a couple of days before I update. On the plus side, I'll have plenty of time to write more. Hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed Mr. Anikouchin's... er... hard work? **

"Shit." The Buick's engine whined but refused to turn over. "Battery must be dead." She turned to Pogue, who's hair was disheveled at best.

"Yeah, well, I heard that can happen if you leave your lights on." They could only laugh. "Fancy a walk?" He assumed a fake British accent.

"Who says we have to start walking now?" She grinned devilishly as she held up a bottle of the purloined wine, and slid between the seats. He smirked.

"I like the way you think."

The sun was hot on their backs as they walked, Jordan's hair lit up in the sun shades of honey Pogue knew he couldn't capture with the world's largest box of Crayolas. She slipped her hand into his, always slightly cooler, and intertwined her fingers in his larger ones. She was perfectly, intrinsically happy even though the asphalt was leaving third degree burns on the bottoms of her feet, and if someone drove past them right now they would judge from their hair that they were attending a revival tour for The Cure. Pogue saw her wincing as she stepped gingerly on the black road. He cut in front of her and stopped so abruptly that she ran into him, though she left her arms holding his after she regained her balance.

"Jump," he said, and opened his arms to catch her. She hesitated, it was a long enough walk.

"Jump, idiot." This time she complied, wrapping her arms around his neck as she nestled into the groove of his shoulder. Her dress was bunched between their bodies, and her bare legs dangled brown on either side of him. Pogue's hands easily grasped her thighs, the width of his hands covered more than half of their diameter as they set off. They were drunk, bleary-eyed and unsure of the yellow hummer they thought they saw, speeding towards them. Sure enough, Jordan made out Reid alone in the cab, flicking ash from a cigarette out of the window. Tyler never let him smoke in the car when he was there.

"Buick died," Jordan announced as soon as he'd rolled down the window, idling beside them. The blonde boy glanced from Jordan, her heavy-lidded eyelids held at half-mast, dress wrinkled and feet bare, to Pogue, his hair-that looked like it had had a battle with a wood chipper and lost sorely- and his grin. He couldn't suppress a small smirk.

"Get in." They gladly obliged.

Jordan bullshitted her way through her paper about the Chinese Empire- super tits do seduce young men quickly, apparently, a lesson she'd learned in more ways than one. Reid screwed Cameron, Tyler told her with a laugh. Apparently he'd gone looking for her last night and, well, when she wasn't there, he'd found other ways of occupying his time. So that's how he knew she was gone. Joey wasn't sure why anyone would want to allow any physical contact with the Camazon, but it meant that the girl went out of her way to be nice to Jordan, a certain blonde's best friend.

Cameron watched Jordan and Reid as they sat facing each other, cross-legged on her bed playing Shoots and Ladders. They were bored out of their minds and halfway to delirious now that the students weren't even going to their classes anymore, but were on some kind of dorm arrest for eight hours of the day. They probably figured if you make them stay in the building, then it counts as school, like, right? Tyler was watching TV with Caleb and Pogue, who had to come to the dorms ever day and check in, then lurk around from 7:30 to 3:00, when they could go home. As he moved to roll the dice, the tip of his tongue showing in an expression of intense concentration, Joey realized that she missed Reid. Not _Reid _Reid, Cameron's Reid, but her Reid. The one who's taught her how to swim, how to whistle and play poker, to take tequila shots without wincing. The one she'd spent countless afternoons with, playing Legos or monopoly or making prank calls, just the two of them. Reid was always the banker and he always cheated her out of money and Park Avenue, but she always won. _Cocky_, she told him, _that's why you'll never win. _She always won at monopoly and she always asked for Seymour Butts when she called Giovanni's Pizzeria.

She rolled the dice, and moved her small, red troll-y looking girl up the big ladder, glancing up to look Reid in the eye.

"I miss you," she spoke quietly. He studied her face for a moment, serious for once.

"I know," he said, and ducked his head once. His green troll-boy toppled down the big snake-slide. "Dammit." She only smiled a Mona Lisa smile, sliding her game piece to the top; the tree house.

"Hey, Reid- do you want to come with me and Jamie to Nicky's tonight? It's supposed to be off the chain!" God, she really was so annoying, flipping her bleached hair and snapping her gum.

"Off the chain, huh? Well, I'll have to talk to Ty about it. Definitely a possibility!" Cameron didn't notice the mocking gaze he leveled her with, the twinge of annoyance in his tight smirk and in the clenched fingers he twisted.

"Oh, he doesn't have to come. Uh, if he doesn't want to," she finished lamely. Clearly, she wanted Reid to herself. "Well, I've got to go talk to Jamie. Girl stuff. I'll see you later, right? Promise?" She looked only at Reid, who lifted a pinky and touched it to his lips and kissing it before tipping it towards her, his and Jordan's secret way of pinky promising that seemed to serve now as an inside joke. Joey snorted and Cameron gave him a slightly puzzled look, prancing out of the room.

"Off the chain?!" Was all Jordan managed to get out before the pair dissolved into somewhat maniacal laughter, tears streamed down the girl's face. Reid was laughing as much at Jordan laughing as he was at Cameron. "How did you not laugh?" Her voice was high, strangled.

"Well, in the immortal words of Jordan Cahill, I call it a talent. You're wearing my boxers again." He tugged on the left leg of them, and she smacked his hand lightly. "So, are you and Pogue fucking or are you fucking? I can see the hickey." Now it was her turn to ignore someone, even as a bony white finger poked her neck. She stretched lazily out on the bed and propped her feet into his lap as she lay staring up at the cieling, and he sat with his back against the wall beside her bed. "Don't make me turn into the Tickly Monster." She snorted at the reference to his childhood "alter ego," the one so fond of making it's appearance to terrorize the ticklish girl when she wouldn't let him play with her favorite video games, or- in one case- her red tap shoes. It reminded her of the long afternoons they spent together, alone at Jordan's after her father had died and Naomi all but took up residence in the upstairs of Reid's house with Isabel. _This is time for mommies, _Isabel would say- again- as she shut the door on them.

"You wouldn't." Her voice was flat, bored. She twisted onto her side to reach a hand out to her nightstand and push the power button on her stereo. She flipped the Source/Power switch from FM to CD with tan fingers that bore chipped white nail polish, and several silver rings. "Real Good Looking Boy," blared from the speakers.

"Turn it down!" Someone called, pounding on the wall.

"Fuck off, Cupcake," Reid called back, voice ominously sweet. "Testy little bastards," he mumbled under his breath. Jordan giggled, and began to sing along with The Who, arms flailing wildly with fake passion. She leaned almost completely over the side of the bed, and shoved the one of the two tiny windows open. She plucked her Camels off of the nightstand, and lit one. She flipped open the pack's lid and thrust a single cigarette forward in one practiced motion, offering it to Reid. He took it quickly, and cocked his head towards the window. "Want to?"

"I was just thinking…" Jordan replied, and handed her cigarette to Reid. He lit his off of her already-burning one, holding both as she scrambled out of the second story window onto the roof that extended past her level, the first floor larger than the second. She reached both hands back into the window and held the cigarettes while Reid climbed after her. She passed his to him, and they stretched silently out onto the tiled roof, with just the sun and the smoke and The Who.

"Joey?"

"Mmm?" She turned to Reid, one eye squeezed shut to block out the sun.

"I think it's… cool. You and Pogue. I mean, he's been in love with you forever. Since we were kids. And plus, now that you're gonna be all MIA from the dorm, Cameron will need someone to keep her company, and as long as we're doing some _non-verbal activities, _she's awesome."

"Pig."

"Of course." But she was happy, that he was happy. Her best friend. It was okay.


	8. Everything Changes

"Took you longer than I thought it would," was all Caleb said to Jordan the next time he saw her. Tyler thought it was funny, but then, Tyler thought everything was funny. Especially Reid and Cameron.

Caleb shuddered the first time he walked in on Jordan and Pogue. "It's like watching someone make out with your _little sister_," he told Tyler, making a lemon face. "Ew."

Classes were reassigned- Reid and Jordan would've given their eyebrows to go back to being bored and delirious in the dorms- and sweatshirts replaced tank tops. It seemed like everything was back to normal, the same snapshot memories, just an extra pair of encircled arms, private smiles, intertwined fingers. That's all.

"Do you have an Aleve, or something?" Jordan whispered to Reid from their vantage point, the top of the stadium seating in the world history lecture hall. "My head's about to explode. Like, you'd get brains all over you ." He rolled his eyes, but reached a hand into his bag. She heard the click-click-click of pills on plastic. Two yellow and blue cylinders dropped onto her open notebook, his hands moving nearly too fast for her to catch. He always had suck quick reflexes, twitchy movements- Joey had been so envious in their days of hand-slapping games and forced piano lessons. Even now he could play chords on the guitar that made her fingers twitch just looking at. Across the room, Jordan saw Caleb and Pogue sitting together. The oldest boy was listening intently, while Pogue was slouched over his backpack, head down. He looked up, though- he always felt her eyes- and gave her a sleepy smile. Reid observed the silent exchange- his smile, for hers- with his own silent smile. They were really just like a jigsaw puzzle, the five of them, and he noted with satisfaction that the pieces had finally slid together, no bumps or cracks. They fit perfectly now. Joey the extrovert was the most private of them all, about things that mattered. Behind the laughing smile and funny stories were the serious, unreadable black eyes- the person she really was; dark and somewhat moody. Pogue was much steadier than impulsive Jordan, grounding and stable in her life, the only constant. He was there, filling the spot ever-distant and aloof Naomi, overprotective Caleb, even more impulsive Reid and impish Tyler couldn't seem to fit into. They weren't the right piece of the puzzle. Of her puzzle.

Tyler watched her seriously, as she placed her fingers to her temples. "Are you okay? You're getting sick a ton."

"Probably allergies."

There were some good things about the year, now- Sarah had transferred back to Spencer. She'd reapplied to Provost Higgins, and it seemed that he hadn't even known Hughes had revoked her scholarship. That was nasty, even for Hughes- it must've had something to do with the Wet Cement Incident, but Jordan and Sarah just got so _bored _sometimes. Sarah being back meant Jordan had a door to knock on at three in the morning when she needed to and it meant that a tousled blonde head would appear, sleepy but happy to see her.

"Houston, we have a problem," was the first thing out of Jordan's mouth when Sarah released her from a tight hug. "But I'm so happy to see you!" She'd been at Pogue's earlier, and hadn't learned that the girl was back until Sarah, jetlagged, was already asleep. Taking in Joey's appearance- looking thinner than usual, in Reid's boxers (of course) and a tank-top, her arms crossed over her chest, hugging herself. Her face was pinched. Sarah's sleepy eyes grew more alert, her brow furrowed.

"Come in," she murmured, gesturing Jordan into her single room, the second bed empty. Jordan sunk onto the unoccupied bed.

"Oh my god- I'm so happy you're back! How are you and Caleb? How was Boston? Are you and Kate still talking? She hates me now, but-"

"Ahh, slow down. Great, great, no. Now what's wrong?" Jordan babbled when she was scared, nervous. The honey-haired girl laughed without humor, black eyes wild and slightly manic. Her hair was snarled, fingers having run through it many times, hard.

Sarah knelt in front of the other girl, placing both hands on the pair of tanned knees before her. "Joey, what's wrong?" Sarah's voice held the kind of maternal warmth and concern that Naomi's had always lacked, and before her blue eyes Joey's face crumpled. There was something in her hands, something the long fingers clutched. One of her rings spiraled up to the knuckle of her right middle finger, and in the dim lamplight it glinted with the others.

"Oh, God. It's bad. It's really bad." Sarah felt her own stomach clench, her face showed fear. Jordan's face was ashen under it's bronze, and Sarah wrapped her pale fingers around Jordan's longer ones, gently extracting the cardboard from between clammy palms. First Response.

"Oh my god."

Jordan nodded, met Sarah's eyes. "Yeah." There was nothing to say, and so Sarah enveloped the bony girl in her arms, rocking her slightly. She laid the girl down in her own bed, tucking the blankets around her like a baby, and turned out the light.

"I'll be right back, Joey. I just have to go get something." She was met with silence, but knew the girl heard. The second she'd descended the stairs from the second floor, she snapped her phone open, and pressed 1, holding down the speed dial.

"Hmmm?" A groggy voice greeted her.

"Caleb, I have to talk to you. Now." Her voice was sharper than she'd intended, anxious.

"I'm on my way," he mumbled before hanging up, halfway to the door of his room. He made the fifteen minute drive in eight, and pulled up beside Sarah, who was hiding behind her car in the parking lot. Past curfew. She walked quickly to him, and got into the passenger's seat. He guided the car slowly out of the parking lot, where they wouldn't get caught.

A man going for a run on the trail by Spencer saw a blonde girl, staring out of a parked car's window as though looking for something she knew she would never find. He saw her lips move, quickly. As though she was spitting out the words. The good looking black-haired boy tensed for a moment, and the girl bit her lip.

"WHAT?" The runner could hear the roar through the windows. He sped up.

"You can_not _tell Pogue." Her eyes were pleading.

"I'm gonna kill him," Caleb spat, instantly becoming a wolf-eyed older brother.

"Caleb. Get over yourself." She reached a hand out, and pulled his face to look at hers.

"Trust me." When midnight eyes resumed their normal warm brown, she smiled slightly. "The best thing you can do- seriously, Caleb- the best thing you can do is just be there. Whatever happens. For both of them"

"Okay," he said through a clenched jaw. He sighed, and relaxed somewhat. "Okay.


	9. The Invisible Band, Track 2

**Thanks for reviewing. Enjoy, or don't, if you don't want to.**

It was funny how different everything could feel, overnight. Like while you were sleeping, the world changed. Waking up in an unfamiliar room, Jordan was confused, for a moment, before she remembered where she was. And why. She sat up quickly, and Sarah emerged from the half-bathroom just to the right of the door.

"I think you should move into my room," she spoke quickly. The words were hard to pick out. "I mean, I hate sleeping alone, and Cameron's gonna forget to take her meds one of these days and kill you with her bare hands, and- what do you think?"

"What?"

"I think you should-"

"No, no- I heard you. Uhh, sure." She smiled weakly, knowing that the faculty didn't give a shit what the kids did as long as they paid tuition. Sarah smiled widely, and grabbed Joey's forearm excitedly, linking their arms.

"Yes! Come on, let's go get breakfast."

_Definitely a mistake,_ Jordan decided as the smell of cream cheese bombarded her the second she walked into the common room, overpowering and repulsive. She shook her head at Reid, who gave her an incredulous look when she refused his coffee, but merely drank it himself when he found no takers. Caleb walked into the room, then, interrupting the spirited discussion Reid and Tyler were having about the merits of Mega Mutilation versus Total Domination.

"Hey."

"Hey, Caleb" Tyler called back. To the boys'- and Jordan's- surprise, he hugged the girl hello, crunching her tan skin against his. As she stepped back, pulling out of the hug to meet his eyes, she realized. She shot Sarah a look that clearly spelled _Die die die. _The two younger boys exchanged twin looks of bewilderment. Jordan turned to follow Sarah back to the dorms, uncomfortable in her tank top as though they could _tell, _and came face to face with Pogue.

"Uhh… hi," she said hurriedly, and slipped past him quickly, hair covering her face.

"Wh- Joey?" He called to her as she passed him. When he reached the other three boys, he hugged Sarah hello with a "hey Stranger," and a grin. He was puzzled, though, by the serious looks on she and Caleb's faces. Caleb held up his car keys, and tucked them into Pogue's jacket pocket.

"Go," was all he said, and Pogue stared at him.

"Go," Sarah spoke now, quiet but firm.

"What the fuck?" Reid said even quieter to Tyler as Pogue turned, confused, to follow Jordan. She was quick, already around the corner by the time he reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Joey! Joe? Joey- what's wrong?" he stopped in her doorway, winded. She was hunched over her nightstand, reaching for a cigarette that she lit but spat out as just as quickly with a murmured _fuck, fuck! _She turned and froze, when she saw him in the doorway. Her arms reached up to cross over her chest, hugging herself. She stared, but didn't move.

"Uh, hey- let's go for a ride." He held up Caleb's keys with a smile, but his eyes were worried. Joey opened her mouth- to say no, he was sure- but closed it again. She ran her hands over her crossed arms, from elbow to shoulder. She ducked her head, letting a curtain of hair conceal her face, but raised her eyes to meet his.. It looked like it might kill her.

"Okay."

He guided her away from his bike with a hand on her lower back, her questioning gaze met with a hand- large, yet nearly graceful- pointing towards Caleb's car. Something clicked, and she sighed, walking to the passenger's seat of Caleb's car with a look of resignation. _Subtle, Caleb, thanks. _

When he asked her "where to?" like he did that first time, she didn't smile like usual but stared blankly at the bugs on the windshield. She sympathized.

He gave her sidelong glances as he drove, and resisted the urge to put his hand on her knee, to tickle the soft skin just inside of that bone the way he knew she loved. He had to wait. Wait. Wait.

"I… I have to talk to you about something." He turned to look at her, for a second. This was what he was afraid of. The waiting. The silence. "Oh god, it's- it's really bad." Her voice sounded strangled, and the hands gripping the wheel grew tight, knuckles nearly white.

"Oh, Jesus, I'm sorry. I really am so sorry." There were tears trickling from her large eyes, making their black irises only more expressive. He could see himself reflected in them, the subtle signs of anxiety pulling at his face, at his bones.

"Can you pull over? Her voice was small, and he did so quickly and gratefully. Driving was becoming difficult, trying to watch those black almonds and the road. She took one of his large hands in two of her own- clammy- and turned to face him, left leg bent with her foot under her right knee. He could see her foot jiggling quickly, moving against the floor. Nervous energy. She looked him in the face then, and her eyes were frightening. He could see fire in the pits of that blackness, a flickering of something horrifying in it's darkness and depth. "I'm so, so sorry," she was still saying, over and over and over. He wanted to pry open her jaw, to pull the broken shards of words from her throat and piece them back together in the daylight with shiny shiny shiny nice silver things and rubber gloves like a dentist, maybe.

"Say it, Joe." Anxiety made his voice hard, but his eyes harder. She turned away from him, from those glass doll's cold eyes, and told the bugs on the windshield.

"I'm pregnant."

"Oh my god." Her mask had cracked now, her face split open, buttons and diamonds and plastic pearls spilled from her eyes and her nose and her mouth but most her eyes her burning eyes and all he could do was sit numb numb numb. "Oh god."

"Pogue?" Her voice was tight. He looked at her. "Can you just tell me everything is going to be okay and mean it because I really need to hear it right now." His glass eyes melted, and he held her face in both hands not caring that her cheeks were wet he held it like it might crack again and only he could put it back together.

"Jordan. It _is _going to be okay. No matter what. Because I'm here, and you're here, and the stars we see tonight are the same stars we will see tomorrow, and the next night and the next until we die and it will be okay." His eyes traveled to her stomach, still slightly concave, and back to her face. "I love you." He kissed her, her wet lips, without ever letting go, as though she might spin away, if he didn't hold on. The forest might call her back, their nymph, and she would go, barefoot and enchanting.

"Coffee?" He asked her, but quickly mumbled "never mind," when she gave him a quizzical stare. "Let's just go to my house." She nodded, and he pulled from the curb, tires squealing.

"Are you sure you don't want anything?" He must have asked three times, but she merely shook her head.

"Maybe I'll just go get some juice."

"I'll get it." He walked quickly to the kitchen. "Um, orange or apple?"

"Orange. I _hate _apple." He smiled. _I do too. _He returned to the living room with a glass that she gladly downed half of in several gulps. They look at each other, on that couch, exchanging tentative glances and nervous smiles. Pogue stood quickly, straightening his pants as he moved towards the stereo. He flipped through CD's with slightly twitchy hands- he was nervous, she knew him. After the third stack, he landed on a Travis disc, The Invisible Band. He skipped past track 1- thankfully- and walked back to the couch.

"So what do you want to do?"

"About what?" She was slipping slowly back into her mask, her glass mask of wide-eyed innocence that would've done Audrey Hepburn proud.

"You know what," he matched her, vulnerability for fronts. Her façade began to crack, again, and she swallowed more orange juice, eyes darting around the room. _Escape escape escape, _the Audrey voice in her brain said. But then she saw his eyes.

"I don't know. What do you think?" He thought for a long time, speaking carefully when he opened his mouth.

"I think that whatever you do, I am right behind you. Or next to you. Or whatever." She smiled, a little bit, like he'd meant for her too, and he fixed his eyes to her crooked tooth and smiled back.

"I just- I thought about getting an abortion… I really did. I called the clinic yesterday afternoon, but I hung up. I couldn't do it. I can't do it." His eyes were so, so sad that she wanted to cry, to kiss his eyelids safe and shut.

"Honestly? I'm kind of… glad. I mean, Kate got one, and-" Jordan rose, quickly, eyes glittering like crazy, off-kilter diamonds. She grabbed Caleb's keys from the table by the front door, and shut the door quickly and quietly behind her as she left. Pogue put his head in his hands before making for the door with heavy eyes, He seemed to be doing far too much walking, lately.


	10. Heartbeats

**Alright, this one and the one right before it are a bit like two mini-chapters, they go together. **

"Joey, I'm sorry." He knocked on her door for the umpteenth time, listening to the rustles inside. Finally, he heard footsteps.

"She's not here, asshole." It was Reid, hair tousled. Pogue saw Cameron behind him, topless. He repressed a shudder. "You must've fucked up pretty bad though," he sounded almost amused.

"Fuck you, Reid- where is she?" He ran a hand through his hair. Sighed.

"Try Sarah's." The door shut in his face, the last thing he saw a long and pale hand, pointing left. Pogue heard giggling coming from Jordan's room and grimaced, walking quickly in the direction Reid had pointed. He knocked on the door of the leftmost room in the hall, and Joey answered. When she saw him, she moved to shut the door but he'd stepped a foot into the threshold, blocking it.

"I'll wait," he said quietly and after staring hard at him for long moments, she dropped her hand and turned away from him, receding into the room- the most of an invitation he'd get. She was lying on her bed, staring at the ceiling without motioning for him to sit. He stood next to her instead, and began to talk. "Joey. I am so, so sorry. Really. I never meant to hut you, or lie to you, but it was years ago, and I was stupid and angry then and I didn't give a fuck about anything, except for Caleb and Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum. And you. Mostly you. I love you. I want to love you forever. It's cheesy, whatever, I know, but I do. I want to love you forever." Her gaze didn't move, but a muscle in her jaw jumped. Sarah emerged from the bathroom just then, about to leave for Nicky's.

"Give us a sec, will you?" She said to the long-haired boy. He gladly went outside.

"Jordan Leigh Cahill. _What _are you doing? Are you seriously telling me you are gonna sit there and let the person who loves you most in the world walk away? Kate used to tell me about him, about the way he used to be when we were friends. He is so, so different now, and it's you, Joe. You did it. Don't fuck it up." She left then, and Joey tilted her head up to catch the last scent of her perfume. Pogue came in maybe a minute later, and sat on Sarah's bed.

"I'm sorry." She still didn't respond. They sat like that, frozen in silence for long minutes before he stood, abruptly, and left. "Bye, Joey." She rolled onto her side, and then her stomach. Her face was pained, warring thoughts nearly visible in her eyes.

She sat up so quickly that she was dizzy, for a second. "Fuck it." She tore out of the room and down the hall, though he wasn't there.

"Pogue!" Her voice echoed down the hollow stairway, and she descended the steps two at a time, halting on the step above him. She met his eyes bravely, slightly lower than her own gaze. "I'm sorry." Her voice was soft, and warm. "I suck, I'm sorry. I love you?" She said it like a question, a question he gladly answered with his own lips, tipped up to meet hers above him.

It was like stars fell out of her mouth, like she held the stars inside, crumbled and brilliant as her mouth left a trail shimmering and damp along his hipbone in the room where the moon in the window was the only light. Later, as she lay in the crook of his arm, she tipped her chin up to meet his eyes.

"I'm keeping it. I don't care. I'm not _throwing away my future, _or any of that bullshit. I don't care what happens." He only tightened his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to him.

"I know."

"Do you? Do you really know?" Her face was serious. "Because I don't want you to pretend you want this when you don't. It's okay if you want to go." The look in his eyes was hurt, and incredulous.

"Why would you ever think I don't want this?"

"Because you should grow up, and go to college, and travel, and-"

"Joey. Stop. Please. I don't want that. I want you."

"Yeah, but it's not just me. I'm two and a half months pregnant, if I'm not mistaken." He thought for a second. Oh. _Oh- _yeah.

"I really do. Stop being stupid. Of course I do. You know, it might be a good thing if you don't go to college, because if you can't figure out that I'm not going anywhere than you have some serious problems." She elbowed him lightly, and he chuckled. She could hear the vibrations in his chest. "How long have you known?" She sighed.

"Since yesterday. But, uh, I'm about two and a half months late. I thought it was because I was running so much, but apparently not." He liked the arch tone in her voice. It was the old Joey.

"Have you seen a doctor? You stopped smoking, right? And you can't drink, you know, or have coffee, or-" She laughed a sweet, lilting laugh and he stopped.

"Whoa there, Mr. Pregnant. No, I haven't gone to a doctor, yes for all the others. What, have you been reading Babies for Dummies again?" She teased him, and he scratched the back of his neck, uncomfortable.

There were millions of questions he wanted to ask her, but as she rolled against him and he spread a hand over her stomach, he kept his mouth closed.

"We can call a doctor tomorrow, how's that?" Her voice was sleepy, soft and hypnotic. "Okay?"

"Okay," he said. It was all he needed to say. Sarah didn't come back that night, but it was perfectly fine with them.

"Ms. Cahill? Um, Jordan Cahill?" A frazzled-looking woman in a white coat and rectangle glasses called across the sterilized waiting room. Jordan tightened her hold on Pogue's hand for a moment before releasing it as she stood.

"Do you want me to come in?" Pogue whispered, but she shook her head.

"Not for this part." As she walked away, he found himself feeling pathetically anxious.

"Erm, Pog? Pog Parry?" The frazzled-looking nurse called about twenty hand-twisting minutes later, ducking her head into the waiting room.

"Yeah, it's Pogue." He rose, and put the _Highlights _back on the stand.

"Pogue- you can go on back now, meet your girlfriend." Pogue followed her directions through the too-white halls to the door frazzle-woman had said Jordan was behind. Jordan.

"About three months, I think." She was saying to Dr. Lind. She was beginning to show, now, though invisible under her sweatshirts, her stomach slightly convex. There was something different about her, something almost tangible. Pogue wondered if he could touch it, the mysterious something. He figured it would smell sweet, like lilies. Her hair was beginning to wave more- it's natural, he told her when he was being Mr. Baby on the internet- and it created something like a halo around her, the golden strands trapping light, illuminating her gold skin and her dark eyes. He hoped that the baby would have that crooked tooth, and those black eyes that didn't just absorb light but reflected them. He hoped it had the beautiful skin and her unusual hair, the features that got her stopped on the street, telling her to model or date them or whatever. He hoped the baby was good and true and beautiful in it's eyes like Joey was, the kind of beautiful that made you realize it was on the inside.

Dr. Lind talked and talked and Jordan faked it and nodded and nodded, but she knew he was listening for her. He always was. They got to listen together to the baby's heartbeat for the first time small and fast and she almost thought she couldn't remember how to smile, because she didn't realize she already was. Her eyes were wide and his too and they look at each other, kind of, and they wondered what color it's eyes would be. She talked more, and they made another appointment, and Joey wrung her hands as they walked through the parking lot. They walked to the fixed Buick and he went opened the passenger's side door for her, and bowed, like a chauffer.

"I'm kind of freaking out a little bit and I want a cigarette so _fucking _bad. Kiss me?" Doctors always made her want cigarettes, a protest against health, maybe, and Pogue was happy to oblige. He closed the door and pushed her against it real quick, and she lost her balance but didn't worry because he'd be there to catch her. She thought that she'd never felt so beautiful as with his tongue in his mouth and his hand on her stomach. Dr. Lind looked out of her second story office window, and she saw the two so young and beautiful and love and she smiled for a second, before she caught herself and shook her head. _Kids. _


	11. I Don't Know Why

**Hey guys, sorry for the long absence but I have been on Grounding Major mode, the madre found out I cut again on Friday to go to the beach because my asscrack neighbor Joyce saw me swimming and told my mom. So anyways, she doesn't want to go to jail because the truency officers came again... Therefore, Austin Lockdown. Whoopee, boy isnt't THIS fun?? Okay, I'll stop. I'm a bit starved for the contact of someone I'm not related to at the moment, I don't do well when grounded. Stepbrothers named Jeff don't count either. So, moving on- the next chapter:**

"I'm going for lunch with Reid," Jordan spoke as she looked out the window, watching the drive back to Spencer through landmarks, memories. The forked tree Tyler had gotten stuck in, The boulder Caleb had slid down, where he got that scar under his knee. The pond Reid had attempted to teach her to skip rocks in.

"Oh yeah?" Pogue raised an eyebrow, he'd never understood those two.

"Yeah."

"Nervous?"

"What do you think?" She took a deep breath, and fiddled with the dials on the radio. Pogue rubbed his thumb over her hand, and she gave him a quick smile.

She left Pogue at his house, driving herself back to school. He was waiting in front of the dorms, smoking a furtive cigarette and flicking his lighter on-off-on-off, under the eaves. Reid dropped the cigarette when he saw her, crushing it beneath the heel of his shoe on his way to her car. He sat with a thump that rocked the Buick for a moment, and turned the window crank, making air waves as they drove from the lot.

"Sooo, I'm guessing this isn't some kind of best friend bonding thing." is voice was bored, but she read the emotions beneath it.

"Yes and no," she was always honest with him. She missed him, a lot, and she had to tell him sometime.

"And… I'm guessing it has something to do with you being pregnant?" She shouldn't have been surprised, really, but she was. "No coffee, no Nicky's, no smoking, sweatshirts, you're always gone…"

"Yeah." His gaze remained steady, turned away from her, his face a practiced mask of indifference.

"Were you planning on telling me, or was I not supposed to find out until I saw you pushing a stroller?"

"Reid. I was going to tell you right now, of course I was going to tell you. What are you talking about?"

He turned to her, eyes irritated.

"You told _Sarah? _You could've found me."

"I'm sorry, Reid, I really didn't think about it. I just, Sarah's a girl, and-"

"And I thought I was your best friend. I thought you were mine." They'd pulled into the Chipotle parking lot, and Jordan turned to face the boy.

"You _are _my best friend. You always will be. I honestly just… I just didn't know that you would want me to go bug you about something like that." He was silent. "Reid. Look at me. The reason I wanted to see you was to ask you something. I want you to be the baby's godfather. Will you?" His indifference cracked, for a moment, and his eyes widened with surprise.

"Of course." She smiled her young smile the, wide and sweet and reminding Reid of those semi-toothless grins she gave him after kicking his ass in monopoly.

"Then can we go eat now, before I start chewing the upholstery?"

By the time Reid was halfway through his burrito, Jordan was done and eying his. He smirked.

"Want a bite?" She nodded- her puppy eyes always killed him- and he held it out for her. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand as she shifted in her chair, chewing happily.

"Ugh, that Joey girl is such a slut. Is she dating all four of them??" Reid and Jordan turned, following the voice to a junior girl with long, light curls, talking to her giggling friends at a table diagonally behind them. Reid fixed the girl with a glare Jordan hadn't seen in a long time, since they two of them'd found Aaron tying firecrackers to the tail of a golden retriever in town, sophomore year.

"Excuse me?" He said to the girls, velvety voice icy and scary-soft. The curly-haired girl's eyes widened, startled.. "What, do you take it back, or something?" He laughed, though the sound was not amused. "So, Cupcake, who is it that you like now, that you hate Jordan? It's Pogue, isn't it, or maybe Tyler… Yeah, that's it. Tyler. That's funny, kind of. Also sad." He stood, and extended a hand to Jordan, pulling her up. They walked to the parking lot, Reid smirking and Joey thoughtful.

"You didn't have to be so mean," her voice was reproachful.

"I didn't have to not. Did you hear her?"

"I did, but who cares? It's the highlight of their day, anyways." She smiled. "Let's drive to the beach." Reid drove the thirty minutes, Joey pulling a Trader Joe's bag from under her seat when they'd come to a stop.

"I got you something. I was waiting for your birthday, but maybe now's better." He unwrapped it as they looked out at the gray skies, over the ocean. It was a camera.

"Oh my god. Thanks, Joe." He lifted the camera for a second and nodded his thanks. She smiled.

"Maybe you can take pictures of this. Of us, I mean. So it'll always be there, like the others. So we all remember." He nodded, and she pulled off her sweatshirt as they got out of the car. In her tank top with her long skirt he could see that she was a little bit pregnant, her stomach no longer showing ribs, the rest of her body remained untouched, for the most part, with the exception of her boobs- enormous now.

He followed her as she walked out onto the strip of rocks that jutted into the ocean, a peninsula in miniature. He called her name, and she pivoted to the side to look at him as her snapped the picture. It would be his favorite for years, the reason no girl was ever enough. Because no girl was her in that picture, hair whipping wildly around her face, mouth open, laughing as her eyes danced. The only thing visible behind her was the gray rocks and the gray sky and the slate ocean, Joey, so golden, in the middle. Her skirt played around her, exposing thin, olive legs that matched her arms, limbs darker than usual against the white clothes. A hand touched her stomach unconsciously. The most beautiful girl in the world.

He followed her into the ocean, too, freezing her with hair wet and clinging, skirt floating around her, more of a mermaid than Naomi in that one moment they shared, her eyes deep and dark as the sea reflected around them. They set the camera timer like the true dorks they were together, in secret, and played in the waves. The picture of Reid, fingers clamped over Joey's as they jumped for a wave, eyes trained on each other, would hang above that small crib. _The three of us, _Jordan would say, again. _The three of us. _

She stripped down to her underwear in the parking lot, tossing wet clothes into the trunk and grabbing a blanket. Someone watching might've merely seen a normal-sized girl, having nothing to compare her to. She swathed herself in the flannel comforter and rolled down the window crank, passenger's side.

She found the CD she'd been looking for, there under Sufjan Stevens' third album in the glove compartment, popping it in. "I Don't Know Why." Reid moved to make a face, but the look on Joey's stopped him so he only turned the dial up, and in the gray he found himself singing along, too.

_What was it I said? _

_Did it get to your head?_

_I can't think of a reason why_

_You would cry, you would cry_

_I turned up your favorite song_

_Just so we'd get along._

_You know that I couldn't care less,_

_What any of your heroes are doing best_

_They're not mine, they're yours, but who's keeping score?_

_You gonna come with me_

_Or you gonna leave through the door?_

_I don't know_

_I don't know why it's gotta be_

_Don't know why it's gotta be._


	12. The Trapeze Swinger

**Alright, the song is Iron & Wine's "The Trapeze Swinger" this time, and if you don't have it, I strongly suggest that you go out and get it. Also, you should try and read the poem at the end, because I know it's real fucking tedious and you don't have to, but Sam Beam is one of the most beautiful poets I've ever read, and he is just fucking spectacular. So check out Iron & Wine, because I have good taste in music, I've seen Coachella twice, it's nothing like Hilary Duff, blah, blah, blah, etc. Humor me. Or just skip this. I'm sure you do. Whatever. Random Updates Because I Am Feeling Talkative: my boyfriend Sean and I are semi-streaking with my brothers Jeff and Avery and my best friend Em. So, if I get suspended-again- I might be AWOL for a bit. Oh, I am going to be an aunt- apparently life imitates art, but my sister is officially pregnant (this would call for exclamation points, but as you might've been able to tell, I have some weird, OCD personal vendetta against them). It's a girl. She has been pregnant for a while, but she was still real skinny and I wasn't allowed to say. She wants to name it Layla Austin. We'll see. Love for all, especially you, Tyler Rose Rivera, if you are reading this, and Sean William Walker, and Jeffrey Boston Decker, and Avery Ryan Rivera, and Emily Logan Long. And Keegan, I guess. Because you guys say I never acknowledge you. There. Also, everyone who reads, reviews, etc. Now I will not-so-gracefully bow out and put you-and myself- out of the misery of this novella that I'm sure has made you hate me. Good night.**

Tyler was the only one now who didn't know, and she set out to tell him over Mega Mutilation, alone at Pogue's. Knowing that she wouldn't be finishing the school year, Jordan barely went anymore, spending her days in hazy limbo with one of the boys, always going places, in transit- here to pick up some of Reid's shit from Donnie, with Caleb to pick up prescriptions for Evelyn, paying Cash for Reid's sizeable weed habit ("On the side, it's just on the side" he'd tell her again and again, bitter because she could no longer share it with him).

The youngest boy only nodded, not pausing to cease sobering her, and said "Yeah, I kinda figured." She nodded. Everyone around her seemed to be doing a lot of figuring these days. Except the administration, who hadn't blinked when she'd told them she was taking a semester of absence, joining Naomi and- of course- Isabel on a kibbutz in Israel. "Are you staying in school?" She shook her head.

"Taking the finals, then an indiscriminant 'leave of absence.' Told them I was meeting up with Naomi and Isabel." Tyler nodded, knowing that they were off somewhere or another. "Naomi's discovered Ashram yoga, and her Ashram yoga instructor Ravi. _He lives in Israel. He's invited us to live with him! Can you imagine?_" She mimicked Naomi's breathy and excited whisper. "I think I'm in the clear for now. I skipped a grade anyways. Guess I felt the call of my brethren."

"Hey, I thought I was your brethren." He whacked her on the knee with his controller.

"Son of a bitch," she muttered. "So Ty, seriously- _seriously- _you can't tell anyone. NO ONE can know, little bro."

"I'm older than you," he grumbled, but he was her little brother, just as Caleb was her older, and Reid her twin. Her best friend.

Finals were at the end of the week, and she walked gladly through the parking lot after the last one, knowing she'd pulled an A only in AP Computer Science.

She hadn't told Naomi about the whole I'm-three-and-a-half-months-pregnant thing yet, because she already knew how it would go. Doors would slam, words would turn cold. She often wondered how Naomi's tongue didn't freeze to the roof of her mouth, with how icy it was in there. She knew that if she stopped to think about it that it was because she was scared to tell her, so she didn't stop.

She'd already transferred most of her stuff to Pogue's apartment, the school hadn't even bothered to check the leave with Naomi- if they could find her in her Motherland, or whatever. They were used to rich parents' whims, even richer childrens'.

In the middle of all of this, Tyler fell in love. _Her name is Lena, and she's beautiful, _he told Joey, excited. A waitress at Chipotle, he began buying Jordan an obscene amount of burritos- not that she was complaining, since she seemed to be living off of burritos and Berry Lime Sublime smoothies.

Christmas was strange for all of them, the balance out of whack. They all laughed about the picture ornaments on the tree, all eighteen of them- Joey wasn't in the first one. Tyler brought Lena for dinner- she really was beautiful, hair black and skin pale, her blue eyes were luminous and behind her smile Jordan felt jealousy simmer, bubbling up in her (fat) stomach. She watched the other girls curved, rounded features with envy, watched her straight her float lightly around her while her own sun bleached hair curled, slightly wild. How could she know when Lena looked at her she saw the same thing… skin that didn't burn or freckle, eyes that were warm and features that grabbed stares and attention, hollow cheekbones and an impish grin? Lena realized with a pang that Jordan knew Tyler better than she ever would, and excused herself to go outside for some air. Minutes later, an extremely blonde something sat down beside her. She turned, and met Reid's eyes.

"Joe?"

"Excuse me?" He'd startled her.

"Joe bothering you? Jordan?"

"Oh, no, she was really nice, uh-"

"You're doing the Joe Face." He cocked an eyebrow at her, daring her to deny it.

"What's… the Joe Face?" She was resigned, she would find out whether she wanted to or not.

"The face most girlfriends make when they see their boyfriend turn into play-doh at the feet of a certain girl who just happens to be both hilarious and strangely beautiful, although apparently she realizes neither of these things, which only makes her more apparently perfect and intimidating?" Lena took a deep breath, but sighed, deflated.

"Well that was very eloquent, but actually… Yeah. That pretty much sums it up."

"Yeah, well, it happens. Don't worry about it, Joey's prob'ly in there right now getting acid reflux at the thought of you… That girl would cut off her own toes to be pale, to look like _Naomi._" He spat the name out, but she wisely ignored this. "Her mother." He answered what he knew she was thinking.

"And she looks like…?"

"You."

"Ah." They sat in silence for several minutes, the only sound the clinking of beer bottles as they returned to their sides on the stone bench they perched upon.

"Seriously, though, don't worry about Joe. Tyler's her little brother, pretty much. It'd be incest if it was anything else. We're all just a little protective, I guess. She hasn't exactly had the easiest time… of it." He finished awkwardly, as though he hadn't meant to say as much as he had.

"But isn't she… isn't she…" She searched for a delicate way to say this. "Dating Pogue?" She was pregnant. Reid smirked, was the goddamn guy psychic, or something?

"Yeah, but that's different. That boy fell in love with her the first time he ever saw her. You know, her eyes were born black, like that, never blue, and Naomi was so disappointed. Mud eyes, she used to call her. He loved them." Like that explained everything, he picked himself up with a sigh and turned back to the house, dropping a cigarette he'd lit only a minute before. He left the girl with more questions than before.

Reid gave Joey a dreidel, like he did every year, and she gave him a lump of coal, like always. She gave Pogue a DVD, Velvet Goldmine, a joke only he got. Curt Wilde. She winked at him. He gave her a Grow Your Own Mustache man, the kind with grass for hair, and the way he smiled when Joey laughed made Lena… sad, almost. Would she ever have that? She didn't know Tyler was smiling at her, much the same way. Jordan gave Tyler tube socks, with a fake ID in the left one.

"You were the only one left without one." Even Caleb kept his grumbling to a minimum. This was their last year with just the five- Sarah and Lena not included. Before they were six. Caleb gave the girl his favorite sweatshirt, the one she'd been trying- unsuccessfully- to steal for the past three years. She buried her nose in the fabric with delight. "It smells perfect." She handed him her present, a blank CD.

"Uh… thanks?"

"It's not blank. Listen to it in the dark. You'll feel infinite." She'd lowered her voice, and the conversation flowed around them. He nodded once, smiling at the reference to one of their shared favorite books. He hugged her, whispered "Love you," somewhat brotherly into her ear.

"I know," she winked, mischievous, and looped her finger through one of Pogue's belt loops. "Yo creo que tu y yo necesitar vaminos ahora." She whispered it, jokingly lascivious, and he raised an eyebrow.

"Si, Senorita." He raised his voice. "Alright, guys, I think we're gonna take off." They said their goodbyes, and the two left holding hands.

"Hang on, I'm gonna drive." She snatched the key's from the surprised boy's hand, rushing for the driver's seat before he could protest. "I haven't given you all of your present yet."

"I thought it was-"

"Not the movie, stupid."

"What is-"

"Just wait." That, and the drive, was beginning to look familiar, registering somewhere in the boy's brain. They stopped at that spot he would've recognized blindfolded, that spot that smelled like lilies, held in by branches and blanketed by stars. She turned the car off this time, before running around the front of the car, reaching his door just as he stood. "Take off your jacket." It was an order.

"Are you crazy?" Their breath was fogging.

"No. I am pregnant, therefore allowed my peculiarities." He rolled his eyes, but complied. "And your shoes." It was nearly freezing. "Now, hold still." She yanked a blindfold rather roughly over his eyes- he wasn't even sure he wanted to know, and kept his mouth shut. She frog-marched him over sharp sticks, ignoring his muttered curses. Up a hill, down a small one, to the left- was all he thought they went, when she stopped him. "Swear you'll keep your eyes closed?" She held his fingers so he couldn't cross them.

"Fine." She pulled the blindfold off of his eyes ("KEEP THEM CLOSED") and pulled his shirt quickly over his head, his pants and boxers to his ankles.

"Step out," she barked. Pregnant people got so fucking bossy. He heard cloth rustle next to him, her undressing, then hands, a quick shove, and freezing, _freezing _cold, a splash next to him.

"What the FUCK?" His breath came out in strangled gasps, he realized his eyes were still closed, and opened them. His anger dissolved, for Jordan was treading water beside him, cheeks flaming with cold. They were in the middle of a pond, a water lily rested on Jordan's collarbone. "So that's the lilies," he said, more to himself than to her. She nodded. God, the looked like magic, like a lady of the lake, a water sprite, _something. _

He's beautiful, she thought to herself, taking in the shadows under his cheekbones, his eyes luminous and light in the water.

"I was going to show you this place, the first time I brought you here, but we didn't exactly get around to it." Her grin was wolfish. "My dad took me here, once." Her eyes became darker, if possible, as their mischievous shine receded. He remembered Christopher, the light-haired man who's eyes had been dark as Joey's, a broad-shouldered specimen with long limbs- limbs that he'd passed to his daughter- so apt at breaking anything fragile. He had her laugh, Pogue remembered, her easy smile and amiable nature. He'd balanced the harsh Naomi, made even her laugh. Not anymore. Jordan hadn't believed it, really, when Caleb had had to be the one to tell her that he'd fallen, something went wrong when they were rewiring the power line. He fell. Christopher, the man with the musical Portuguese accent and the nimble fingers- as quick to win at pool as to pull a lollipop from your ear, and hand it to you- didn't come home from work. Pogue had found the picture of him, face down in a box, when he'd been helping Jordan to unpack. He moved on to another box, and left the man holding the smiling girl- himself, female and miniature- on his shoulders, his hands holding her knees. She was missing the crooked tooth, in the picture. She was so happy. My little wild child, he'd called her. My mermaid, he'd called Naomi. She'd always wanted to be his mermaid.

"Mermaid." She froze, left eyebrow twitching down, then back, nearly imperceptibly.

"I'm not your mermaid." She slid easily through the water, stepping into her underwear quicker than he had time to react. He stopped her, reaching her quickly and grasping her hands. She shook from cold, and he did too, but they stood motionless. Her wet skin glittered. The lily clung to her, still.

"You're right. You aren't my mermaid. You're Christopher's." He reached towards her collarbone, and she shrank from him, for a second, before stopping. He pulled the water lily from her shoulder, and held it up, in the moonlight.

"It's beautiful." She whispered, afraid to break the silence punctuated only by slapping of water on rocks.

"Yeah, you are." She giggled, a belly laugh bubbling up from deep in her diaphragm. She pulled him down down down to her, kissing him shimmerflybeautiful then and there.

"You are so cheesy."

"You love it."

"I do." She wiggled, then, out of his arms, jumping as she reached over her shoulder.

"What?"

Something hit my back, it's-" Another. "It's _snow._" Her voice was filled with wonder. "First snow." She spread her arms, tipping her head up, mouth open to catch the flaked. She spun, whirled like a top, dancing.

"Be right back. I have to give you your real present."

"Seriously?" But he was already gone, bare back receding through the trees towards the car. Out of sight, he ducked and picked a rock up, off of the ground. His eyes shimmered, more black than hers, for a moment, before he eyes the thing with satisfaction and turned back for the pond, carrying something else from the car. He approached her, hands hidden behind his back.

"Guess which hand." She rolled her eyes, pointing to the left. A CD player. He pressed play. "The Trapeze Swinger." The right. He held his hand out to her, palm up, something glittering from it's center. She reached for the thing, it was a glass ball, cradled in a rock base. There were two people inside of it, in a clearing. Beside a pond. Filled with.. water lilies? The girl- for it was a girl- stood in a dress- the same dress she'd worn, that first night?- head tipped to the sky and arms outstretched…. Mouth open. She smiled. The boy's eyes were trained on his companion, smiling. She shook the globe, and snow rained on that miniature silent world, also. Jordan's eyes glittered like glass. ("No! I am not crying!") Worlds fit within worlds, little Russian dolls where one fit inside the other. There, they were the smallest. The real doll. The only one not hollow. They were full.

_please, remember me, happily,  
by the rosebush laughing  
with bruises on my chin, the time when  
we counted every black car passing  
your house beneath the hill, and up until  
someone caught us in the kitchen  
with maps, a mountain range, a piggy bank  
a vision too removed to mention _

but please remember me, fondly,  
i heard from someone you're still pretty  
and then they went on to say that the Pearly Gates  
have such eloquent graffiti  
like: "we'll meet again" and "fuck the Man"  
and "tell my mother not to worry"  
and angels with their great handshakes  
but always done in such a hurry

and please remember me, at Halloween  
making fools of all the neighbors  
our faces painted white, by midnight  
we'd forgotten one another  
and when the morning came I was ashamed  
only now it seems so silly  
that season left the world and then returned  
and now you're lit up by the city

so please remember me, mistakenly  
in the window of the tallest tower  
call, then pass us by, but much too high  
to see the empty road at happy hour  
gleam and resonate just like the gates  
around the Holy Kingdom  
with words like: "lost and found" and "don't look down"  
and "someone save temptation"

and please remember me, as in the dream  
we had as rug-burned babies  
among the fallen trees and fast asleep  
beside the lions and the ladies  
that called you what you like and even might  
give a gift for your behavior:  
a fleeting chance to see a trapeze-  
swinger high as any savior

and please remember me, my misery  
and how it lost me all i wanted  
those dogs that love the rain, and chasin' trains  
the colored birds above there runnin'  
in circles round the well, and where it spells  
on the wall behind St. Peter  
so bright on cinder gray in spray paint:  
"who the hell can see forever?"

and please remember me, seldomly  
in the car behind the carnival  
my hand between your knees, you turn from me  
and said the trapeze act was wonderful  
but never meant to last, the clowns that passed  
saw me just come up with anger  
when it filled with circus dogs, the parking lot  
had an element of danger

so please remember me, finally  
and all my uphill clawing  
my dear, but if i make the Pearly Gates  
i'll do my best to make a drawing  
of God and Lucifer, a boy and girl  
an angel kissin' on a sinner  
a monkey and a man, a marching band  
all around the frightened trapeze-swinger


	13. Helter Skelter

-1"No. There is no way."

"Come on. It's a nice name."

"Pogue. For fuck's sake. I am _not _naming the kid Bradshaw." Her eyes were incredulous, almost disbelieving. He ran his hands through his hair in exasperation, one of Jordan's usual trademarks.

"Bradshaw is a perfectly decent name. Bradshaw like… John Bradshaw." Her expression remained unmoved.

"Who the fuck is John Bradshaw?"

"Like Russell Simmons but with less… sweatbands."

"No. Veto. Abort. I am not cursing it to eternal damnation in the form of kick-me signs and a name that reminds people of bifocals and orthodontia. Might as well tattoo it on his chest, "Hey guys, ask me about being a social leper PS I have halitosis.""

"Fine. Then no River."

"What? No. River is a great name. River Phoenix. Come on." Pogue only shook his head.

"Veto."

"Veto doesn't count."

"You're the one that came up with it."

"Yeah, but I saw it on Friends. It's only for the weird names you come up with." He snorted then, and only squeezed the hand already resting on her knee. Perhaps Dr. Lind's waiting room wasn't the best place for this conversation, because both were glad when the receptionist- Bonnie, as they now knew her- called them back.


	14. And So It Is

"It's a boy… Surprised?" Reid examined the plastic page in front of him.

"Are you sure it's not a dachshund?"

"Not really, no, but if it is I'm thinking Mongo's a good name. Bartholomew, maybe."

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"He's beautiful."

"I know. He must get it from my side of the family."

"I'm so sure, Reid."

"What's his name?"

"Walker Lake Parry." Pogue glanced away from the writhing infant with black eyes and blond hair at the sound of Joey's voice.

"I thought we vetoed Lake?"

"Yeah, well. Too late. The certificate's in ink."

"WHAT?"

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"How do I make it stop crying? Doesn't he have a fucking off switch?" Reid's voice was nearly a hiss as he held Walker away from him.

"Why'd you tell them we knew what we were doing? WHY WOULD YOU EVER OFFER TO BABYSIT?" Tyler looked frazzled, slightly hysterical. "The sound is killing me. It's almost too pathetic."

"Like torturing a kitten."

"And you would know that sounds because?"

"Yech- dammit, Walker!" Tyler dissolved into laughter at the sight before him, and the disgust in Reid's voice.

"I think I just peed a little bit," Tyler wheezed between gasps, giggles escaping still though his stomach hurt.

"Yeah, well, that makes two of you," Reid didn't look up from his now wet shirt to reply, although the naked baby had stopped crying to coo at the blond, and curl his fingers around tattooed hands. Reid smiled.

"Dude, you're whipped by a baby." Reid kicked swiftly at Tyler's passing shins, not looking away from those tiny sloe eyes, the impish dimpled face so like another favorite impish dimpled person of his. _And how could I not be, little man?_

_-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- _

"Joey, I have to ask you something. Maybe I'm just being paranoid." Tyler bit an already scabbed lip. Gently, two female fingers pried the tormented lower half of Tyler's mouth from the clutches of those anxious pearly whites, a smile on her face- trying to hide the concern in her eyes.

"Is it Lena?"

"Wh- no, it's not Lena. It's just… this is gonna sound really bad, but… Why does Walker look so much like Reid? I mean, that's impossible, right? Right? I mean, you look kinda like Reid. But… It's just me. They spend too much time together, like people and their dogs. Yeah." Tyler tried for a weak smile, but it went unreturned. Jordan turned away from him. She was rigid with anger, her mouth a tight line. Walker shifted in her arms, and she smoothed the white-blond fuzz of baby hair from his face, kissing his forehead but her eyes were dead.

"Right?"

"Right, Tyler."


	15. Cocaine Eyes

If Pogue noticed the way Joey clenched the muscles of her hand when he went to hold it, he said nothing. None of them did, but eyes- brown, and blue, and Reid's own grayish blue- watched the growing, swirling discontent bloom between Pogue and Jordan. Flipping through the pictures Reid had taken on Walker's half-birthday, Caleb felt like a voyeur of private anguish, an unwanted fly on the wall, privy to Joey's haunted eyes and Pogue's torn, confused smile- crooked, and hooded. The boy resting in Pogue's arms looked out of place, a return address on a box left by a secret admirer. The blue shirt he wore over a diaper was dappled with drool as his grin exposed a mostly toothless mouth. Pogue's own grin was foreign above him, honest where Walker's was already sly- more so than Jordan's twisted smirk- the one that didn't reach her eyes, where she sat with legs dangling on the kitchen counter and Lena standing next to her. The baby's eyes were strange creatures themselves, a confusing sort of brown that reflected a smoky gray from their depths, the smoky depths of their secrets.


	16. Doll Parts

When people remarked on Walker's tan skin, strange beneath a shock of white hair, Jordan waved away their queries with a murmur of Brazilian parents, and the promise of darker hair to come, replacing that spun gold.

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When Jordan suggested that Pogue not defer his enrollment to Boston University after all, she was rewarded with a look that-while hooded- betrayed no surprise. Babies left the teens too little energy to water the twisting vines of their deceptions, these days. Even those meant for themselves.

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When two official phone calls arrived at the houses across that faced one another across Serena Avenue, Reid and Jordan met them with straight-backed reluctance, unsurprised at the news. Jewish tourists weren't wise to proclaim themselves as such, in the neighborhoods of Egyptian gangs Naomi and Isabel had frequented.

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Joey was privately surprised that the tight grip Reid possessed on her tanner hand was not surprising.


	17. Angels and Seagulls

"Smoke?" Reid asked, and Joey nodded. His hand slipped into hers again to pull her through the crowd of Spenser kids and locals alike.

She remembered the night, barely, but why hadn't she stopped? Why had she giggled, when he wiggled his eyebrows and ducked into the bathroom? Why had she loved that ghost-white skin on her skin, her legs and her arms- the arms he pinned over her head, the skin of his torso her hands sought out, beneath his shirt, the legs she wrapped around his waste. She remembered knowing even then that it would've been inevitable, even if she'd pulled him past that door, both too inextricably tangled in one another to ever keep themselves apart. To keep themselves from becoming one.

The girl in the stall pulled back, lips leaving the boys as she cocked her head, listening. A baby cried somewhere, faintly. She shook her head, and bit the boy's earlobe. It grew louder.

She sat up with a start, her hands finding the skin beneath them sticky with sweat. Walker was awake, and she walked the cold hallway to him alone.


End file.
